


Saptapadi: Seven Steps

by Robin_Mask



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Abandonment, Drama, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Master/Servant, Romance, Sexual Content, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:39:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3469652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin_Mask/pseuds/Robin_Mask
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the duty of a servant to obey his master's every command. The word 'no' did not exist, because to deny one's master was a crime against nature. Soma was the god to which Agni aspired to be, which is why he could not be with him, he was not worthy of him, and yet Soma would not let him go . . . he would not let him go and so Agni would disobey . . . he would disobey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

# Saptapadi: Seven Steps

# Chapter One

 

‘No’.

 

That was the one word forbidden to a servant: ‘no’.

 

In a previous life Agni had never understood how such a freedom could be so precious, so sacred . . . so _holy_. It was a gift from the gods. It was a blessing that gave him the power of choice, the ability to choose his own path and carve his own way into the world, and at each and every point the diverging path would always lead him to the destination he craved. It was simply a matter of ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It was his choice to make and his power to hold.

 

It was something so beautiful that he had taken it for granted, much like the towering palace walls that protected him or the fragrant perfumes that coated his skin, and – due to their constant presence – he had never stopped to think that they were special. They had been . . . _trivial_ to him. How could something hold worth if it was always to hand, always available without any real explanation of its value? The ability to say ‘no’ was precious. He knew that now, but then he had no idea. He supposed that to say ‘no’ was in itself the essence of freedom, and – like freedom – you never realised how meaningful it truly was until it was . . . _gone_.

 

He understood now. He had once been blessed with the name of _Brahmin_ – the highest caste – and that name alone had given him privileges to make even an earl green with envy, but such blessings had meant nothing when he had not known their worth. Now he was a servant of the lowest caste: to his family he was _nothing_ , but to his prince he was _everything_. He had found worth in these ‘chains’. Prince Soma would guide him back into the light. Soma – his prince – had given Agni life and purpose, and for that Agni owed Soma his existence.

 

“My prince, I can not . . .”

 

The sudden silence deafened him. It was a cruel moment in which every emotion felt amplified, and Agni had to fight his instincts not to take back what he said, not to give into his prince’s demand and obey his wish. He had to remember that the chains that bound him were his own making . . . Soma controlled him because he allowed Soma to control him, and – at times like these – he needed to say no for his prince’s best interests. He had to be cruel to be kind.

 

“You cannot?” Soma asked, a hint of sorrow in his voice.

 

“I cannot. I cannot do what you ask. I am sorry.”

 

“But – but Agni!”

 

He had sinned. Agni had sinned against his prince!

 

It was an unbearable realisation, but it was true. It was a sin to refuse a command from one’s master, to deny the person whose existence you depended upon for life, but to deny one’s _god_ . . . that was a sin beyond all others! Prince Soma had granted him a second chance; he had been reborn under this man’s touch, and yet he now denied him, as if he were ungrateful for the gift of life.

 

He saw now the truth: freedom was meant for those above. It was the duty of a ruler to provide for those below, to make the difficult choices that would improve the lives of those that depended upon them, and in return those below sacrificed their freedom to support those that supported them. It was a blessing to merely be allowed to look upon the sight of a lord or prince, and so with such a blessing the gift of freedom was not needed, because every order one obeyed was an order that strove to help perfect one’s soul. Servitude pushed one closer to the heavenly realm of the gods.

 

“My Prince, you forget that we are no longer in Bengal,” Agni pleaded, trying to avoid the gaze of his master. “The behaviour that you ask of me is inappropriate by the standards of the British, and as such –”

 

“But we are not British! We are Indian! We have a culture rich of all things beautiful and exciting to draw upon! Can we not act in the way of our people? Can we not just lie together as friends?” Soma threw himself into his chair with a pout and crossed his arms firmly. “The English are so stuffy and boring! Little Ciel even flinches at a mere hug, almost as if it would burn him to do so!”

 

“It is a different culture, Prince Soma. The way here is of stoicism and restraint, it is a culture that does not appreciate physical touches or personal embraces, to engage so freely in such behaviours, with another man no less, with a _servant_ –”

 

“I care not for such rules! The rules do not apply to me. I am a prince and I say that I want you to lie with me, thus you will lie with me! The English have no sense of affection or love . . . what can the harm be in a simple embrace or a hold or even a touch? If there is no lust behind it then it can not be inappropriate, can it not?”

 

“It is the look of things, my prince.”

 

Agni swallowed hard as he looked upon his prince.

 

How could a mortal look so regal and enchanting if there was not a hint of a god within them? There was no denying that Soma was possessed by the highest being known to mankind, something so supreme and pure that no other entity could hope to compete against it, and – more than that – no mortal mind could seek to find a higher being within its imagination, no matter how hard they endeavoured.

 

The pout upon Soma’s lips only served to make him seem more youthful than ever, and his golden eyes were so full of emotion that they glittered radiantly in the candlelight; the amber of their hue became a priceless gold, so beautiful that one could get drawn deep inside their depths. It didn’t help matters that his hair – long and full of life – seemed to caress his neck, trailing down his skin in a rather distracting manner . . . it was too much to bear. Agni could not have these feelings for his prince. They were impure and could never be reciprocated, for what god could love a mortal?

 

The way his _shalwar_ held to Soma’s legs made them appear long and elegant, especially the way that he half-folded them and kept his toes to a point, both feet bare and naked upon the carpet. The pale white of the _shalwar_ was accentuated by gold ankle-bracelets – _payal_ so beautiful that they nearly matched the eyes of their owner – and slowly they met their way to the pale _sherwani_ that Soma loved so much. He looked heavenly in white. It was rare that he would wear an outfit all in such a colour.

 

Agni felt sinful for such urges, but to just touch that beautiful brown skin, to feel its softness beneath his fingertips . . . his prince was so well toned, so fit and healthy, and every inch of him seemed sculpted to perfection. The _mehndi_ tattoo would still be there on his flesh and Agni could see it in his mind. How would it feel to trace the pattern with his fingertips, to touch the mark that painted that perfect complexion?

 

These were sinful thoughts.

 

“You are staring, Agni!”

 

“I am sorry, my prince.”

 

“If you have time to stare then you have time to obey!” Soma let out a heavy sigh and waved lazily at the bed. “I am sleepy and I am homesick. I want you to lie with me and keep me company. Why can you not obey?”

 

His prince did not know what he was asked. Soma was so pure that his thoughts were chaste, much like unstained clear waters, and as such Agni could not bear to be honest. If he were honest then his honesty would act as that drop of ink, and his words would stain the waters of his lord’s soul and poison him for the worst. Prince Soma did not need to know about the darkness in the hearts of men. He only needed to know of the beauty and light, and the glorious ability for perfection that every human possessed. Agni would not steal that optimism. He owed it to his master to deny him.

 

“My prince,” Agni said gently, as he wandered about the room collecting garments and tidying the space in which his prince resided, “I do not think you truly understand the situation at hand. Do you know what someone would think should they see two men lying in bed together in such a way?”

 

“Yes! They would think that we are very good friends!”

 

Agni smiled warmly. The _churidars_ in his hands felt light and soft, so that – as he folded them carefully – he wondered if this would be how they felt upon his prince. He sighed at such a thought, because such thoughts were not right for his gender and status. He would only taint the god who sat before him. He would only ruin that innocence in a way that had ruinedthe man once known as Arshad. He could never do that to Soma. He could never do to him what he had done to himself.

 

“The concept of friendship varies from culture to culture,” Agni said. “In the cultures of some of our neighbouring countries, it is acceptable for men to kiss upon the mouth in way of greeting. In this country, that would be to admit homosexual desire. People would assume we were more than friends. It would ruin your reputation, my prince.”

 

“Then let my reputation be ruined! People should know better than to make such silly accusations and assumptions, and you are my friend! I wish to share a bed with my friend! I am lonely and I want company!”

 

“Perhaps I can arrange a card game with Master Ciel?”

 

“No, I do not want to play with Ciel! I want to lie with you!”

 

“If you are lonely then I could –”

 

“No! I want to lie with you! Why will you not do as I ask? Do I disgust you in some way?” Soma looked crestfallen. “Have I offended you in some way? I have tried so hard to become a better person! I have! I have looked after Ciel’s manor well, have I not I? If I have failed then I am very sorry! I do not wish for you to hate me. Is that why you refuse me, because you hate me?”

 

There could be no question as heartbreaking! Agni had failed his master if his master were to assume such a thing, because to let such a kind man – even for a second – believe that he was unloved was a crime above all others! How could Soma believe such a thing? He was handsome, brave and loyal . . . he had all the qualities that Agni aspired to have; he was everything that Agni wanted to be! No one could be as pure as his prince, and for a man like that to think the worst -!

 

He had failed his prince! The other man looked so despondent; his golden eyes were wet with unshed tears, tears that threatened to fall at any moment due to his mournful sorrow, at the idea that one more person could leave his side, and not just any person . . . Agni. His prince had always described him as a beam of light, something to erase the loneliness and darkness of his past, and Agni had always felt the same way about his lord. The two of them were in harmony together. His prince had even said that they were a harmony of seven colours, a perfect duo that could work flawlessly together, because their existence depended upon one other. Soma depended upon him.

 

His prince had felt the bitter sting of abandonment all too well, and the only thing that helped him endure – that helped him to overcome his grief – was the knowledge that his butler and friend would never leave him. Even when they were parted they were still connected by their hearts. To lose Agni . . . how would his prince feel? Sebastian was correct when he said that his prince held a persecution complex, that he felt the world was out to get him, but for Agni to _reinforce_ that belief was truly cruel.

 

“P-Prince Soma! I could never hate you!”

 

“But you will not lie with me and you now try to avoid me.”

 

“I think you fail to understand my feelings . . .”

 

He wanted to tell Soma everything. It would be heaven to free himself of his burden, to cast aside the dark and heavy chains that bound him to his fate, and to find the freedom – the freedom denied to his caste and class – to simply say aloud ‘I want you’. It would be the ultimate form of control! To reveal his heart and soul to the man he adored, exposing himself so completely, that surely nothing could be sweeter.

 

It was simply not in his power to do so, and that was the dilemma: a servant could not speak freely. Soma was a god amongst men, whereas Agni was nothing – _nothing_ – without his lord and master, because his lord and master was the very god that had given him life and had given him meaning! He could never compete with that, nor could he be _equal_ to that, and even were he able to then what would happen? If he confessed his feelings then Soma would only reject him, perhaps wish for a new butler, and even if he did not then their relationship would be forever changed.

 

“Your feelings, Agni? W-what are your feelings?”

 

Agni flinched and felt tears well within his eyes. He wanted to respond, he wanted to tell Soma the truth, but what _were_ his true feelings? He wanted Soma so much; he loved him, but such a love would only drag his prince down into the mire, muddying his name and turning his reputation to filth were it to be found out, and he loved his prince too much to allow that. If he had to he would allow his own soul to suffer in order to save his prince heartache . . .

 

“I feel,” Agni said, swallowing hard, “that I cannot obey you, my prince.”

 

“You – you can not obey me? Why? _Why_?”

 

“Please do not push me, Prince Soma! I told you . . . I can not obey.”

 

Agni felt his throat constrict as he held back tears. The feeling was painful, choking, and he could no longer breathe without risking a sobbing intake of air being revealed to his lord, and as his hands shook by his side he refused to look up, he refused to look into those golden eyes. If he looked upon his prince and saw his expression then he would break. He would weep for shame in that he had caused his prince to doubt himself for even a moment, but what could be the alternative?

 

It would be torture to share a bed with his prince. It would be too much of a temptation, and – even if he were to restrain his heart – he knew that his body would betray him, for what man could force down such feelings that threatened to blaze like an inferno? If Soma should feel _that_ then it would be his undoing. His prince would know his innermost desires, and he would be forced to leave his prince’s service. His prince was like the pure white snow upon he mountains, so beautiful and so untouched, and if one should try to capture it they would break it, and should they try to preserve it then it would only melt away . . . it was not his to have or his to hold.

 

“It is wrong,” Agni said coolly. “It is my duty to protect you at all costs. I cannot allow this behaviour, because such familiarity is a sin. I think I should leave. If you would allow it I will take my leave.”

 

“You – you want to go? Agni . . .”

 

“I must, my prince. It is a crime to go, but to stay would be a sin.”

 

“Agni . . .”

 

It was then he made his greatest mistake: he looked upon his prince.

 

Soma looked so heartbroken, so pained! He had stood from his chair and yet – despite his height – he seemed so fragile and so small. He was so withdrawn into his body that he was now a mere child instead of the adult that he claimed to be. His mouth was open wide, as if the very air had been stolen away, and his eyes were full of fear, whilst his eyebrows knitted together across a flushed and flustered face. He was in pain and Agni had caused it! It was Agni’s fault.

 

“I – I must leave . . .”

 

“No! No! I command you to stay! I – I command you to stay!” Soma’s hand shook violently as he covered his trembling lips. “I command it. You must do as I command! I command you to stay . . . stay . . . please stay with me. Please . . . please stay. I beg you. Stay.”

 

“Forgive me, my prince.”

 

Agni bowed deeply and turned away. This was it: he was breaking the very fundamental rules of what it meant to be a servant, he was defying the natural order by assuming rights that were not his. He was saying no. He was denying his prince. This was not a mere breaking of the chains that bound him, this was him using those same chains to strangle his master, to take his newfound freedom and use it to damn himself into the depths of hell.

 

He needed to reject this order for his prince’s sake, because his prince’s well-being ranked far more than Agni’s trivial emotional state. If he obeyed his lord then he would only be happy in the short-term, but the moment he uncovered Agni’s true feelings – which he would were they to share such close proximity in the intimate setting of a bed – then he would feel pain and estrangement for a great length of time to come. It was better to hurt him now and save him future heartache. It wasn’t abandonment; it was just a temporary need for space, and his prince would understand that and forgive him . . . even if he did not deserve forgiveness.

 

Agni walked towards the doors of his prince’s room. The younger man called out to him with a childish determination, and yet the name upon his lips sounded so unsure, as if he knew not to whom he was calling. It sounded like a stranger’s name, like someone even Agni did not know, and that was the case, because Agni did not know the man walking away . . . he did not know himself. He was not a man to deny Soma, but the man walking away was. The man walking away was everything that he hated.

 

“Agni, I ask you to stay! Stay!”

 

“I am sorry, my prince.”

 

“Stay! _Stay_!”

 

The door closed behind Agni with a soft click. It was a deafening sound like a jailer slamming closed the door upon the condemned, and – suddenly – Soma felt the aching and overwhelming solitude flood through his very being. Empty. It was all that he was without Agni, because Agni was his hope and his life, the man who had changed him from a spoiled brat into a grown man . . . he needed him . . . why had he left? Had Soma not changed at all?

 

Was Soma not worth Agni? Was he worth nothing?

 

“Stay . . .”


	2. Chapter 2

# Chapter Two

****

“I do not understand . . .”

 

Soma closed his eyes tightly for a long and fragile moment.

 

He couldn’t look about the room. He couldn’t! It felt too comforting in his self-imposed darkness, almost like hiding under the blankets on a cold day, and by closing his eyes he could distance himself from everything around him. He could almost pretend as if this dark and empty would was all that was. If he opened his eyes – even for a second – he would have to face the world around him. He would have to accept that this wasn’t a dream, but a startling reality . . .

 

It felt like the simple act of looking would be to confirm his darkest fears, because to look was to _see_ , and to see was to _know_ that he was all alone, all alone without the companionship of his _khan-sama_ and closest friend. The absence of Agni was the absence of light. If Soma’s world would be cast into a void then he may as well close his eyes to it all, for at least then the dark caverns would be his own making, rather than the living hell that currently surrounded him! It was as if Agni were the sun that gazed down upon him. He needed that light to survive, because without it he was lost and to be lost in a foreign land was a terrifying prospect.

 

Soma had remembered once looking up at the sun as a child, and he remembered well how Meena had scolded him for such a thing, for – she said – the sun was too beautiful to gaze upon without being pained from such a sight, that the truly beautiful things in this world must remain out of touch as the impurity of human eyes could never understand them or do them justice. It was not until he found Agni that he understood humans could act in the same manner as that unreachable star.

 

Agni shone so brightly in his patience, loyalty and strength that he made one feel blinded to all others. It was as if no other being could compete in his overwhelming presence, and just as he was beautiful Soma could not remember ever _truly_ having gazed upon Agni for all that he was, much like the sun itself. He had always an idea of what his _khan-sama_ was, much like as a child he would draw a yellow circle for the great star above, but he had never truly considered just what made Agni truly Agni . . . his thoughts, his feelings, his desires . . . and now that Agni was gone and the darkness swept over him he realised just how much he had depended upon his friend and butler. The absence was so acute that it cut into him like a knife, as painful as the sun itself . . .

 

Perhaps that was why Agni had left, because – deep within his heart – he had felt something or thought something that was beyond Soma’s understanding, and Soma had not seen it for himself . . . he had been so wrapped up in the colours and beauty of his own world that he had not seen the darkness in Agni’s, and as such Agni had left him. He had left him because Soma had failed to notice the cause. Soma had failed his friend and he had lost a friend in the process . . .

 

“I thought I had made progress,” Soma said sadly. “I had tried so hard to be the kind of man that Agni had always wanted me to be! The sort of man that would make my little brother Ciel proud! It is if it had all been for nothing!”

 

“And yet,” Ciel said bitterly, “it is still all about you.”

 

“What do you mean? I do not understand.”

 

Soma opened his eyes and fought back his tears. Ciel’s office felt so small and oppressive, nothing like the rooms of his palace back home, and when his heart felt so sad and filled with sorrow it was only overwhelming to be in such closed quarters. He felt claustrophobic, almost as if there were no place left to go, but no matter how he sought happiness or space they both evaded him . . . he was trapped in his own pain and it was his own undoing. He had brought it upon himself.

 

“You’re upset that Agni refused to obey your order,” Ciel continued, writing at his desk as if he hadn’t an unwanted guest sitting upon his windowsill, “but you aren’t doing anything that would give him reason to obey. If you want your staff to listen to you then you must give them cause, but when every sentence you utter is ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘me’ that does nothing to inspire anyone. It’s a waste of emotion.”

 

“But I am hurt! I am in pain and there is no one to comfort me . . .”

 

“Hmm.”

 

There was no one to comfort him.

 

Agni always comforted him, even when he knew that Soma’s emotions were wasted or when the prince’s pain was his own doing, because Agni was always loyal to his prince. He stood by his side when Meena disappeared, even sacrificing his own well being to protect his prince, and he wept so many tears when Soma decided to join the academy, but he had supported him regardless. Where was Agni now? Did Agni have anyone else to comfort him, or did he not need comforting . . . did he not feel pained?

 

The windowpane beside him reflected back an image of Soma that he cared not to see, because in it all he could see was the shimmering tears waiting upon his lower eyelids to fall, and the way his mouth down-turned in the beginnings of a frown. He wanted to smile again. He wanted to be his usual joyful self, but he couldn’t be just so long as he was alone. The golden _chudi_ that decorated his arms seemed dull and worthless, the earrings upon his ears felt heavy and draining, no long did the jewellery upon his skin seem to adorn him . . . it _burdened_ him. It felt a symbol of his difference in caste and upbringing to the man he wished to be equal with. It hurt too much.

 

“Then what do I do to make Agni feel better?” Soma said, his fingertips touching the glass. “How do I make him wish to serve me as I ask? It feels like he has gone forever, but if he has then I shall not bear it! I think I shall die if Agni leaves me as he has done! What do I do to keep my friend by my side?”

 

Outside he could see the gardens of the London manor, and in the distance there was the sight of his needed butler and companion . . . Agni looked so elegant and dignified as he stood in the midst of the gardens, his silver hair blowing gently in the breeze as he looked about almost searchingly for his lost prince, and the way his green _sherwani_ and plain turban rustled made him seem as if he would be swept away at any moment. He was so close and yet so far. Why could he not be here with his prince?

 

“There have been times when Sebastian has disobeyed me,” Ciel said tersely, stabbing at his paper with impatient taps. “It is frustrating, but I must admit it’s usually for my own good when he does so. If annoys you then punish Agni and be done with it.”

 

“You are so cold! I can not punish him when it is my fault he had disobeyed so!”

 

“Oh? Here I was thinking you didn’t ‘understand’ the reasons why he refused your orders, and yet now you’re blaming yourself as if you had some real part in this. I won’t lie, you have your faults, but if Agni has bore with you for this long then I sincerely doubt it’s any recent action on your part that has made him act in such a manner. You must talk to him and discover his reasons.”

 

“I can not . . .”

 

Could he? It would be too painful to talk to Agni and ask him, because were Agni to tell him that this absence was permanent – that they would be together no more – he would not be able to endure that pain! He could not even begin to comprehend the hurt of abandonment yet again . . . if Agni wanted to leave him then he would not be able to hold back the tears, and to cry in front of his friend would be such a crime! He did not want to guilt the man into staying, nor did he want to show weakness.

 

What had he done? What was so wrong with him that no one could want him? He had trusted Agni, loved him so very much, and yet that love – strong and enduring – was not enough to keep his _khan-sama_ by his side. It was just as Sebastian had said: no one had ever loved him. Meena had merely used him until she found a way to escape the Indian caste system and climate, and Agni . . . he had given Agni a new life, so surely he felt indebted, he felt obliged to stay . . . that could not be love. He never had anyone to call his own. All that he had was merely the result of the actions of someone else, of something greater than himself, and all the while he had everything he in fact had nothing. Why? Why was he worth nothing?

 

He feared abandonment the way that many feared death. Any relationship he began was merely a way of wasting away the moments until the inevitable came, until that person left him and forgot about his existence, but he had always thought that Agni would be an exception. He had thought that Agni would be there to stay. If Agni left now then not only would he grieve, but also his very worldview would be turned upon its head, there would be nothing left to believe in anymore . . . nothing left to hope for or to dream for . . . nothing.

 

This was why he could not ask Agni, talk to Agni . . . there was a bravery in facing one’s fear, but there was also a foolishness in doing so, because it was much like putting one’s hand into the depths of the fire. It was so beautiful to look at, its warmth so needed, but to reach in . . . to test the heat . . . he would be burned. It would be too painful. It would hurt. He could not stand it!

 

“You can’t ask him why he disobeyed?” Ciel asked.

 

“I can not . . .”

 

“Then nothing’s changed at all,” Ciel said bluntly. “You’re the exact same boy who came to my manor all that time ago. The same one who threw a tantrum when he didn’t get what he wanted, who was too afraid to face his demons. It is no wonder that Agni left. I would have left you too.”

 

Soma felt his heart break.

 

It was a pain that he had not felt in a very long time . . . somewhere in his heart he knew that the pain had always been there, like one’s shadow, so that even when out of sight – even when somewhat forgettable – it was always there, always lingering. He had never fully recovered from Meena’s abandonment, always in the deepest part of his soul longing for her return and doubting himself, and now that old scar had reopened, now that pain was afresh. It hurt. It hurt!

 

Had he really not changed at all in all this time? He had tried so hard to better himself, but if it was all for nought then perhaps it was just his _karma_ that caused this vicious cycle of love and grief, perhaps he was not meant for companionship during his lifetime. The very thought of being alone . . . he couldn’t go back to that, he couldn’t! It had been so painful in the palace . . . his cries had gone unheard, his wishes to play with others his age unanswered, and to watch others live their lives as his own paled in comparison to his siblings, to the heirs . . . it couldn’t happen again! He couldn’t deserve that once more . . . could he?

 

That Ciel could confront him with his worst fear – _confirm_ his worst fear – was like a blow as physical as any real wound! It made Soma doubt all that he had accomplished so far, it made him feel weak and worthless, and yet he wanted to get better, he wanted to improve! He wanted to be a man that would . . . that _could_. . . perhaps make someone like Agni proud. He just wanted to be a man with some worth, with some meaning in his life . . . he wanted Agni. He wanted Agni!

 

“Are you crying?” Ciel asked.

 

“N-no! I am not crying! W-why would I cry?”

 

Soma rubbed at his eyes with the bottom of his palm. His vision was blurred and his eyes felt hot and sore, to open them properly would be to make them ache and burn, and when he rubbed at them his hand felt wet. He – he was crying! It was not something dignified of a prince, but he was crying . . . and his nose was running and his throat felt tight and constricted. It was hard to breathe. Agni always knew how to make the tears stop and the pain go away, but Agni was not here . . . Soma had forced the man away, he had somehow forced away the only person in his life that knew how to make the pain stop. It would never stop now.

 

“I am not crying,” Soma said weakly, “it is just that my eyes are sore!”

 

“Would you kindly act your age? You’re seventeen; I don’t know how many times I have to remind you of that fact. Why are you crying anyway? It won’t change anything.”

 

“I’m – I’m not crying . . .”

 

“Fine, then you’re not crying,” Ciel said as he rolled his eyes and put away his letters and documents. “If you want to make things better though then you better go and do something about it, because wallowing in self-pity won’t achieve anything. Only a child would think that crying alone would be any use. It’s a waste of emotion. I’m sure Agni did not agree to be your babysitter by accepting the position of bodyguard.”

 

“You are being mean! You are my little brother and –”

 

“I am not your little brother!”

 

“You are! Do not worry, Ciel,” Soma said, with a weak smile through his tears, “even if the world abandons me, I shall never abandon you! I am here for you always, even if – even if . . . if . . . I don’t understand! Why does he hate me? Why does he hate me? I – I do not understand!”

 

Soma’s hand would not stop shaking. He felt overwhelmed with emotion, but it just was not possible to ease the pain away and make his suffering ebb into nothingness, without Agni his life lacked purpose and meaning . . . Agni had been his first real friend! No one else had cared about Soma as a person, no one else had stood by his side through thick and thin, and now Agni had gone! Did he really care, or had he just pretended like the others? If he had only pretended then how was Soma to trust anyone ever again? How could he learn the difference between sincerity and a mere act? Agni was his friend. He wanted him. He wanted him back!

 

It was then that a knock came upon the door. Soma barely heard it over the sound of his choking sobs, and his eyes were still locked upon the sight of his butler and friend within the garden, but when the door opened – releasing a rather dark and dangerous aura – he recognised at once the presence of Sebastian. His tears stopped at once. Sebastian. He – he was almost too scary to face without Agni close to hand to ward him off . . .

 

“Ah, young master, I’ve brought your – oh, forgive me,” Sebastian bowed to Soma politely, “I did not realise that you still have company. My apologies.”

 

“It’s fine. Put the tea down and close the door.”

 

“Yes, my lord.”

 

Sebastian bowed again to Soma and gave him a wide smile. It caused Soma to stiffen at once and straighten his back as his hands clenched upon the fabric of his _churidars,_ because to see that smile sent chills down his spine, it made his blood run cold and his heart beat at an erratic pace. It seemed like even Sebastian’s smile was mean! The way his lips curled and his eyes narrowed, it felt mocking, judgemental, and as if he were one of the gods looking down upon a mere mortal.

 

Soma wiped away the leftover tears and tried to remain brave, but fighting his instinct to run was hard where Sebastian was concerned, and – honestly – the only reason he stayed was because Ciel was there to protect him. Ciel was his best friend, and he would never allow Sebastian to be mean to him! It did not cease his fear, however. Sebastian had been so cruel to him . . . he had cornered him and trapped him, forcing him to listen to him when no one in his entire life had ever forced him to do anything, and he had been so _helpless_! Sebastian could have done anything to him and Soma could not have ordered him to stop, no one was around to stop him, and then to be forced to confront his worst fears, his darkest traumas . . . it had been too much. Did no one see that dark side of Sebastian? Did no one care?

 

Agni was such a superior butler. He knew when to obey an order, but he also knew when to break those orders to do right by his master, to make sure that his master’s well-being – both physical and mental – was being taken care of, even going so far as to sacrifice his own desires for that same lord. The shame he had felt in actually having attempted to strike his prince . . . would Sebastian have ever felt that shame? Shame. It was always such a foreign concept to Soma, but now he felt it . . . he felt shame, because he had lost his Agni . . . his precious Agni . . .

 

“I – I think that I must go,” Soma said shakily, trying to avoid eye contact with Sebastian as the man served the young lord. “I need to talk to Agni. I think that my friend Ciel is correct, that if I do not talk to Agni then I cannot know what is on his mind, and if I cannot know that then I shall lose him . . . I cannot lose Agni!”

 

“Oh? This sounds familiar, does it not?”

 

Sebastian leaned over as he spoke to pour the tea for his lord. It was eerie to see a man do a task for one person, whilst maintaining eye contact with another. It made Soma feel as if he were prey being stalked, almost as if his display of emotion were more a display of weakness, and to feel Sebastian’s eyes on him made him feel as if he were somehow being judged. How did Sebastian always appear so penetrating?

 

It took him back to the first time that Agni had left him, abandoning him in order to ultimately protect him . . . could it be that Agni perhaps sought to protect him again somehow, in some way? Soma could only hope that this time was like that. If Agni were seeking to protect him then he would come back, he would have to! Sebastian had once told him that no one had ever loved him. If that was true then he had lost nothing, because he could not have lost Agni’s love if Agni had never loved him, but he _had_ lost something! Agni was his friend, without him he had all this love for the man that he could not share, it hurt . . . he felt rejected.

 

“Agni was the only thing in your life not given to you,” Sebastian said coolly, ignoring the dark look that Ciel sent him. “He was the one thing in your life that you _earned_ , the one person who loved you for _you_ , and now you have lost that? It is interesting that you now find the courage to face him when you sense something wrong, but will you like the answer when you find it? I fear for you.”

 

“I – I don’t know what you mean. There has to be a reason why Agni left me, why he disobeyed me, because he wouldn’t leave me without there being a true and real reason! He – he wouldn’t just leave . . .”

 

“Oh? I thought that you were both delectably intertwined, each man depending upon the other as any true servant and master should. His very power is based upon faith and loyalty, his love for you inspiring him in all his endeavours, and you are the one who would break the very law to give him life, to allow him rebirth. Are you saying that such a relationship could be terminated for any reason? I can surely think of no reason why any servant would break his master’s trust in such a way.”

 

“Agni – Agni did it before!”

 

“Indeed. What are the chances that he would have such a strong reason again, especially since the relationship between you has been repaired, and since you both trust each other so _explicitly_? I believe that you are afraid. You are afraid that there is _no reason_ for Mister Agni to have disobeyed as he has. If he didn’t disobey _for_ you then it must have been _because_ of you.”

 

“Silence, Sebastian,” Ciel snapped.

 

“No, he is right . . .” Soma sniffed and rubbed his eyes. “I am scared, because Agni is my only ray of light, without him my life has little meaning, but if I do not act then I am only giving up, I will lose him without a fight. I have to talk to him! I have to find out why he left, because if I do not -!”

 

“You have to grasp that silvery spider’s thread,” Ciel said calmly.

 

“Yes, I have to hope for the best.”

 

“Is that so?” Sebastian questioned.

 

Soma jumped a little and turned his head slowly to look at Sebastian carefully. The dark-haired butler was giving him a rather cold, yet humoured expression, almost as if Soma’s pain were some source of enjoyment to him. It pained him as much as the abandonment itself, almost as if Soma had no right to be happy and the very concept of his fighting for his happiness was inane . . . but he did deserve to be happy . . . didn’t he? Meena hadn’t thought so, but Agni had always thought that Soma’s happiness was important . . . so why not now?

 

“Then, Prince Soma,” Sebastian said kindly, “I wish you the best of luck.”

 

“T-thank you. I must go now. I must speak to Agni!”

 

The young prince stood quickly, trying to hold back his tears as he felt his greatest fears come to life before him, each one competing with the last to dominate his heart and destroy all his self-belief and self-worth. He wanted to know . . . he _needed_ to know . . . because to stay in ignorance would be to lead a life without Agni by his side, but to ask and to find out was terrifying in itself . . . what would he do if it turned out to be a fault of his own? What would he do if Agni could not care for him any longer? It would destroy him completely.

 

He stood shakily on his feet. He wanted his usual courage, his usual optimism and assertiveness, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel it . . . he felt weak, like a child . . . his heart couldn’t take anymore, but he felt as if he had to be strong for Agni’s sake. If it was the job of a servant to put his master’s needs first, then it was the job of the master to make sure that his servant’s needs were being met, even if only so that the servant could do his job in turn. Agni was more than a servant though. Agni was his friend! To lose Agni would be to lose a part of himself, and the very idea of losing him, of losing the one person that mattered . . . was it selfish to want Agni to stay so much in his life?

 

He owed it to Agni, at the very least, to ease his pain, to make whatever reason he had for leaving go, to make it all better! Agni had done so much for him, and he could at least do this . . . he could at least find the courage to see what was wrong and to put it right. He had to put it right. He had to. If he didn’t do anything then he would lose everything, and he couldn’t let that happen.

 

He could only hope that it wasn’t too late . . .

 

He had to put things right.

 

He had to.


	3. Chapter 3

# Chapter Three

 

 

It was the only thing for a servant to feel when he had disobeyed an order. The very reason a servant was born was to serve the men above him, to obey their every word and carry out their every order, and yet Agni had broken the rules of nature. He had chosen a path of his own. It was as if he had broken away from the rulings of the gods and carved a path of damnation, creating his own personal hell by turning his back on the heaven offered to him in the form of his lord . . .

 

Could it be that Sebastian had been right all along? The English man had seemed so enlightened, understanding the culture of Agni and Prince Soma more than the two men themselves had done, and – from those outside eyes – Agni had seen his world in a new way. It is said that by one changing the way one perceives things, that the things themselves change according to that new perception, and so Sebastian – Agni’s friend and equal – had changed his view upon life and duty. He owed his life to Soma, but rules were a complicated and intangible thing . . . some were meant to be disobeyed, others were meant to be created by those below as opposed by those above . . . it was that which gave Agni hope. He was doing the right thing by disobeying.

 

It hurt him and pained him, but it was a necessary evil. Soma had once prevented Agni from doing what was right a long time ago, _twice_ in fact, and Agni had always wondered why his prince had done such a deed. He had saved Agni from execution and given him new life, and he had prevented him from turning himself into the authorities and staved off imprisonment. Agni had always wondered where the justice was. He wanted to be punished. He wanted to make amends for such crimes! It was not right to let Agni live and bask in his prince’s presence when he had done such wrongs, and Agni wanted to be a better man, he wanted to be good.

 

He had to be good, if only for Soma’s sake . . .

 

Agni had spoken to Sebastian earlier that very day. It seemed that his English counterpart believed his disobedience to merely be a way of seeking retribution and justice, of self-punishment, as for Agni the greatest form of pain would be to be deprived of the very god he had come to worship. There had been a reason he had been deprived punishment before, because to punish Agni would be to punish Soma, and Soma was not deserving of such pain . . .

 

Soma needed Agni to better himself and to grow, and Agni had been given to him as a means of such self-discovery, _that_ was Agni’s act of repentance and _karmic_ punishment. This rebirth had stripped him of any right to pride, had given him purpose and means of making amends, and so no punishment was further needed when he was already being punished so. If he kept seeking to punish himself then he would only hurt Soma. It would be to throw everything that the gods had given him back in their faces, and he would have learned nothing. He would be the same arrogant man he Arshad had been. He could not act as he wanted. He had duties. He had a duty to be a better man for the sake of those around him.

 

“ _Mera sundar rajkumar_ ,” Agni whispered. “My beautiful prince.”

 

Agni looked down at his master with a smile. If Sebastian had been correct then Soma had been searching for him all day, the same way that _he_ had been searching for his prince also. How many times had they missed one another? If either had stayed put for but a moment then perhaps they would have met, perhaps they would not have evaded one another and delayed their reunion . . . his prince had been searching for him. Soma did not hate him.

 

If Agni had learned the meaning of duty then, it may have been, that Soma had learned the meaning of sacrifice. His prince had always feared confronting others, of asking them the cause of their pain lest it lead to abandonment, but he had actively sought for Agni. He had wanted to confront Agni! That surely meant that he cared. Oh, and how peaceful he looked in sleep, how angelic and pure, like the god that surely resided inside him! It was almost purifying to the soul to see the man he adored so rested and content, freed from any constraints and obligations, his body unadorned by any jewellery or _mehndi_ . . . so pure.

 

“You do not know what shame I feel, my prince.”

 

“Your _awake_ prince!”

 

“P-Prince Soma!”

 

Agni stood abruptly from the chair beside his prince’s bed. The very shock of being caught so emotionally vulnerable before his lord was most shameful, for it was not a servant’s place to be so free with those above! It was a great disrespect. Agni had foregone his place and position in order to sit by his sleeping master, to talk freely with him as if there were not the matter of _caste_ between them, dividing them sharply and thoroughly. He could not still his beating heart even if he so wished.

 

“I – I am so sorry, my prince!” Agni said with a bow. “I did not mean to wake you!”

 

“I have been awake from the very beginning!” Soma said, sitting up to cross his arms with a pout. “I have been trying to speak to you all day! I saw you in the gardens and moved to follow you, but you had already gone! I know that you have been avoiding me! I know it! That is why I pretended to be asleep! You always sit by my side when I sleep and talk to me. I am so glad that has not changed!”

 

“My prince, I have been searching for you all day to apologise for my behaviour. It seems that we have simply been missing each other by mere moments, but I must confess I did not think you would be looking for me; otherwise I would have stayed still. I am sorry, Prince Soma.”

 

“You . . . are sorry?”

 

Agni flinched.

 

It was hard not to feel pain at those words. Did his prince suspect that Agni felt no shame or remorse at having betrayed his master’s trust? It would be impossible to face such a man after everything, to explain to him the reason behind his actions, and yet he would have to. He could not help but feel his hands clench into fists by his sides, or the way his eyes scrunched shut tightly as if to avoid seeing the damage he had caused, and soon he would be forced to hold back tears of disgrace.

 

Soma looked so regal and elegant too, so beautiful and pure, that it hurt Agni to even _attempt_ to gaze upon him, because he knew that in his heart he could never lie to his prince or hide his soul from him. If Soma were to ask him what brought on such behaviour – why he would ever act in such a way – then he would be compelled to tell him all! It would be impossible to hide from him the contents of his heart! It would destroy their relationship completely. Soma could never love a servant, and even should he be able to then Agni could not allow it. If he were to let his prince love another man it would be akin to letting his prince tie the noose around his reputation. It would destroy his prince’s life.

 

How beautiful he looked though . . . dressed in silk, lilac pyjamas that had been imported especially from their home, complete with a golden trim that matched so perfectly the colour of his prince’s eyes. He now sat with legs crossed, his back straight as suited his high class, with hands wrapped around bare ankles and touching bare feet. Agni opened his eyes just a fraction, just enough to gaze upon his splendid frame, but he only felt that overwhelming urge of a servant to reach out and correct an error of his prince’s upon doing so . . .

 

He had forgotten the golden hair-clip that pulled up his dark locks. Agni wanted to pull it away so as to see Soma in complete natural beauty, without any man-made decorations hiding his true self, but the very nature of servitude made him wish to help his lord, to _serve_ him . . . it was difficult to fight those instincts. His hand twitched to act, but he knew it would be wrong to do so.

 

“Yes, I am deeply sorry,” Agni said softly, as he bowed his head in respect. “I do not think that you understand why I left, but that is no fault of yours. It was my duty as your loyal servant to explain to you my concerns, and your duty as my prince to allay those concerns, but by keeping my fears to myself – by acting freely without permission – I have only served to _hurt_ you. It is a sin I cannot forgive myself for! I can only beg for your forgiveness, my prince!”

 

Agni at once fell to the ground in an act of contrition. He rested on closed fist by the side of his bent leg, the other slightly raised knee rested his left hand, and his head he kept low – determined not to look his prince in the eye – so as not to disrespect the man above him. It was difficult not to feel that same shame course through him as he realised the hurt he had caused the one and only man he had ever adored. He did not deserve forgiveness, and yet he craved it more than anything.

 

“What is there to forgive?” Soma asked curiously. “I still do not understand! You say that you have done something wrong, but what have you done? I cannot forgive you if I do not know what I am to forgive!”

 

“My prince, Sebastian once told me that – like the goddess Kali and her consort Shiva – we both learned of our faults through mutual pain, that through this pain we grew and were reunited as one. I think he was correct. I sometimes wonder if you are the embodiment of Shiva himself, not just because of your beauty and godlike nature, but also because of what you did to me and for me.

 

“You destroyed the man that was Arshad, erasing his existence completely, and from his ashes you transformed him into your loyal servant and bodyguard, Agni. Death is the ultimate transformative state, and you gave me that very gift, through you I am reborn as a better man. I feel I can never be equal to you. I disobeyed you because I felt as if I were doing what was right, and even though I hurt you I felt as if it were the best course of action, because ultimately it would be better for you . . . the same way that Kali had to kill the demons to free the land, I had to break your order to protect you from the shame that would have come had I obeyed.

 

“It was only when I saw your pain, the pain that _I_ had caused, that I felt the acute shame and horror at what I had done. It – like Kali – was what awoke me to the damage I was causing, because no cause is ever worth your pain, my prince! I have hurt you and I must pay for my sin, but to pay for that sin is to hurt you more! I do not know what to do. I feel that I sully you with my presence, but my absence seems to hurt you more than I do . . . my prince, tell me how to make amends!”

 

“I can not until you tell me what you have done!”

 

Soma pouted in a rather childlike manner. It was such an innocent expression, so filled with childish incomprehension and innocent desire, and it made Agni’s heart weep to look up at his master and see such emotion worn upon his face. The very way his arms folded across his chest made him seem petulant, but to Agni he knew that it was beyond arrogance and frustration that compelled him to act in such a manner. His prince’s body language was a depiction of his need to defend himself.

 

There was no doubt that Prince Soma feared rejection beyond all things, which is why that there would be no denying that this very conversation was extremely difficult for the teenage boy. He was asking questions that – in his youth – he had always been too afraid to ask. He folded his arms as if the gesture could protect him from an emotional blow, he acted arrogant to hide the fact he was terrified inside, and the one thing he was terrified of – beyond all things – was that Agni had done what he had done because of Soma. He was scared. He was scared that he wasn’t enough for Agni, that he had been the one to push him away, but the sheer bravery he exhibited by facing those fears; by asking those questions . . . Agni admired him. He could not help but smile, because this was the man he had come to love.

 

“I demand that you tell me!” Soma snapped.

 

“I fear you will hate me, if I do.”

 

“I hate that you do _not_! I cannot hate you, for you are my _khan-sama_ , but I – I need to know! I need to why you did not obey me . . . it makes me sad that you left and I do not like that feeling of sadness! You have to tell me! You have to tell me as I say so!”

 

“ _Jo ajna,_ ” Agni said with a sincere smile.

 

It would be difficult, but for his prince’s sake he felt obliged to lean towards honesty. In all this time he had taken it upon himself to act freely, to act as he thought would be best fitting towards his prince, he had only served to make things worse, and so he would trust his prince’s instincts. If his prince thought it best to be honest, then honesty would be the isle to which he sailed. Arshad had been above everyone in caste, he had been a _Brahmin_ above even his prince, and now he would have to – finally – cast away that pride and act as a servant should. He would obey.

 

“My prince, do you know the meaning of your name?” Agni asked, daring to lift his head to look upon his lord. “The god _Chandra_ is virtually synonymous with _Soma_ , but with our worship of _Kali_ I fear we may have neglected the teachings of some of our other deities. The drink of the gods, to which _Soma_ was in charge, was also called by that same name . . . and it was from that very drink that the other gods achieved immortality. I am reminded of this story whenever I see you, Prince Soma.

 

“I look to you and I see the god that resides within you. I am bound by respect and admiration, and I feel that you have not only given me life, but that you _sustain_ me also, so that I can continue to strive to be a man that would make you proud. You do not know how perfect you are, my prince! I have adored you from the moment I looked upon you, from the way you stood before me and the way the sunlight itself seemed to bow to your presence, and in that moment you gave me a gift greater than any other: life! I thought that adoration would be enough, but it has grown so much in these past few years . . . I fear that I do not adore you any longer, because such a word cannot encompass what I feel. I think I may love you, _mera rajkumar._ ”

 

Agni could not resist the urge to look upon his prince . . .

 

He had to know his master’s reaction. He had to! He had just bared his soul to the one person in his life that had ever truly cared for him, and to the one person whom he loved and worshipped beyond all others. There could be no greater scandal than for a servant to fall for their master, except – of course – were those two people of the same-gender, because then scandal became a crime, a _sin_. How could he serve his prince _knowing_ that these feelings existed?

 

There could be no doubt that his prince – in all his discomfort – would reject Agni, or in his kindness and ultimate forgiveness would merely relegate Agni to duties that would not put him directly in temptation’s way. If it were the latter then surely Agni would have no choice but to resign? It would be improper, but – more than that – there could be no guarantee of not leading his prince into the same depravity, into the same soul-damning sin. If he were to taint the very god that had given him life, sully that soul that was so pure and untouched, then there could be no hell or karmic retribution great enough for him. He could not harm his prince in that way.

 

His prince seemed to be in a state of shock. Agni could see the way that his eyes widened considerably, the way his plump lips parted just slightly as if the very breath that escaped his lips sought to say something, and the way that he seemed to instinctively pull his head back just slightly . . . as if trying to unconsciously move away from the dangerous situation at hand. The silence was unbearable, but Agni could not be the one to break it. He would wait patiently for his master to say something, because for Agni there was nothing left to say.

 

“Y-you . . . love me,” Soma said, with no question in his voice.

 

“I – I am so sorry, Prince Soma! Please forgive me! I know someone of the _shudra_ had no right or reason to love someone your station, but I have never felt this feeling for anyone else! I feel complete with you. I feel whole . . . my prince . . . my love.” Agni swallowed hard in fear. “ _Mera pyaar_.”

 

“That is why you disobeyed, because you love me?”

 

Agni dropped to both knees and prostrated himself before his prince. It did not feel enough to show his remorse and horror, but the kow-tow of his body seemed to ease some feeling of pain and horror within him. It was his way of making some amends, of showing his desire to pay for his sins of love, but if Soma did not accept his apology then there was nothing Agni could do . . . he would be helpless. He wanted to atone for what he had done, but to atone by losing Soma would be far too much for him to bear! It would destroy him entirely.

 

“I am so sorry!” Agni cried. “I feared that I would be unable to hide my emotions were I to be in such close proximity to you, and I can think of nothing worse than being unable to serve you! Now that you know the truth, how can I call myself your _khan-sama_? I could not bring myself to lie with you or to bathe you as per my duties, because my feelings . . . they corrupted such tasks. My thoughts were impure.”

 

“I thought that you hated me,” Soma said sadly. “I have always been such a nuisance to you and those around me, and it seems that even now I cause you grief. If I had known then perhaps I could have spared us both such pain. It is I who must ask for your forgiveness.”

 

Agni jumped as he felt his prince’s hands touch upon his cheek. It was not something he had expected, because such intimacy and kindness was far beyond what someone like he deserved. The very fingers of his lord that moved under to his chin, lifting his head and moving him to look into those eyes, was almost too much for Agni to bear, but that Prince Soma could think – if even for a moment – that _he_ had done wrong -!

 

This time it was Agni who did not understand. He pulled himself up into a kneeling position, noting the way that Soma had placed his feet upon the floor either side of him, and the way that he kept his hold on his butler . . . Agni could not help but look upon the young prince with wonder and adoration. This – this was the man that he worshipped! If he ever had any doubts as to the god that resided within his prince’s soul, then this very act of forgiveness had proven to him that his prince was a far better man than he ever could have conceived. He could not help but feel a sense of longing, a desire to be closer to the man he so admired.

 

Soma smiled so brightly, it was like looking into the face of the prince that Agni had first served, before the pain of Meena’s betrayal, or before the later hardships that befell Ciel and the others. His prince had become happier in recent times, but to see that smile – so pure and untouched by pain – made Agni feel as if his prince’s soul had finally been restored. It seemed as if Ciel had a greater affect on the prince than anyone could have dreamed, for his prince was finally standing on his own and showing great inner strength.

 

“So,” Soma said with a smile, “can you forgive _me_?”

 

“You do not hate me, my prince?”

 

“No, I could never hate you! I am just confused. I do not think I can understand why you would have romantic feelings for me, but . . . I do not hate you for those feelings, it is actually nice that – despite every thing I have done – you could love me. I do not know what to say to you! I do not know if I love you as you do me. It confuses me to know that you care for me so much, and to not know how I feel in return, but . . . you are always my _khan-sama_ and my friend. I will never hate you!”

 

“My – my prince! I do not deserve such kindness! Thank you for your forgiveness!”

 

“It is nothing, of course I forgive you!”

 

Soma let go of his hold upon Agni, before throwing himself back upon the bed. It was such a large and exaggerated gesture that it was rather childlike, especially the way he crawled into a lying position on his side, gazing down upon Agni with a rather contented smile. He rested his head upon his arm, his hair clip keeping his hair from his face so that his smile was not hidden. Agni knew that his prince was not aware of the temptation that he was to his servant, but Agni could not help but feel the pangs of longing, regardless . . . it was then that his prince spoke. The very sound cut off his current train and thought. He could never ignore his prince when he spoke.

 

“Just so long as you will lie with me!”

 

Soma gave a childish wink and lifted his hand to make a pointing gesture to the spot beside him. It was truly childlike indeed, so innocent and unassuming, as if he had truly forgiven Agni’s impure feelings and had merely accepted the older man for who he was and what he felt, or as if he was not aware of the depths of Agni’s feelings. It would be too much of a temptation to lie by him, but it was the comfort and closeness that Soma needed, and he could not deny his prince that.

 

“ _Jo ajna_ ,” Agni said kindly.

 

“I am glad! I am happy that you love me, but happier still that you can return to my side! You are my _khan-sama_ and my friend, so there is no better place for you than beside me! You agree, do you not?”

 

“Indeed, my lord.”

 

Agni moved to lie beside his prince. It felt rather unnatural, like a mortal daring to lie beside their god, but something about it also felt right. Agni may have been embarrassed by such intimacy, but he would never dream of changing his prince. No other man could see the good in every soul, no other man could contain such confidence and self-belief, and no other man could constantly strive to make the world a better place and better himself in the process.

 

If Soma wished to lie by him then he would grant that wish.

 

The bed felt incredibly soft as he lay beside the other man, the pillows seeming to mould to his body shape and shift to his weight, and – for a moment – he almost forgot the temptation of his prince as he admired the comfort that encompassed him. It was only when Soma thought to hug him that he felt the sudden discomfort return.

 

Agni smiled nervously as he felt the toned arms wrapped tightly around his neck, but he felt unable to respond the abrupt embrace. His eyes widened in horror at such familiarity, afraid that he was breaking some sort of holy law by touching such an idol, but – at the sight of Soma’s joyful expression – he felt compelled to touch his god and return his affection. He wrapped his hands around Soma and then flinched a little at the feeling of closeness. It was an odd feeling, but a pleasant one . . .

 

He would never deny his master anything, especially affection. Soma was so scared of losing loved ones, so terrified of abandonment, that sometimes – even if it went against protocol – Agni felt compelled to hold him. He had learned that if he acted distant in the way of a regular butler then Soma would fear rejection, and that could never be. He would always be loved. Always. His prince needn’t feel that he wasn’t worthy, because he was the centre of Agni’s world, and to feel him so close and to be assured that his god was real and such an integral part of his life . . . he could never repay Soma enough. He was not worthy of such love.

 

“Whether I kneel at your feet,” Agni said kindly, “or am lying by your side, you cannot know the happiness I feel serving you. The gods themselves weep in want of your beauty, and I weep in gratitude of the gift of serving you.”

 

“I do not want you to serve me now. I want for you to just be my friend.”

 

“Ah, yes, my prince . . .”

 

Agni felt his prince rest his head upon his chest. It was strange to feel another person so close to him, with one leg draped over his own and arms now moved around his waist, and it was an intimacy that – even as Arshad – he had never even allowed his lovers. To his prince it was a very innocent gesture of affection and a desire for closeness and comfort, but to Agni it left him blushing and feeling uncomfortable . . .

 

He could see the golden hair clip still in place in his prince’s hair. If his prince were to fall asleep and shift positions then he would likely hurt his head in the process, or – which would hurt his prince emotionally – break the clip and cause it to be lost beyond repair. Agni felt a need as a servant to remove the clip, but as a friend it would not do for an ‘equal’ and ‘peer’ to take such liberties with another’s possessions and appearance, and he had just promised to Soma to act as a friend for now. It would also loosen the purple locks and tempt Agni far too much, but to fail to serve his prince – to leave the clip in – was unthinkable!

 

“Just a moment, Prince Soma.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Agni removed the clip and placed it carefully upon the bedside table, where – hopefully – it would be safe to fulfil its role come the following day. Soma’s hair fell loose and long, but when his prince turned to look childishly at Agni his hair seemed to spray out widely, almost like a halo that marked Soma as the god that he was. Agni reached out to touch those soft locks, but managed to pull back at the last moment, because it still felt too intimate to touch him in such a manner.

 

“Agni!” Soma snapped. “You still act like a servant! I want a friend!”

 

“I am sorry, I shall follow your command for friendship starting from now.”

 

“Then you are not my friend, because you do not command people to be your friends! People must _choose_ to be your friend! It is a matter of free will. I want you to choose to be my friend and lie with me freely.”

 

“ _Jo – jo ajna_.”

 

Soma sighed and turned his head away with a pout. It was clear to both of them that Agni would not be comfortable taking liberties or acting as an equal, because to Agni he lived solely to serve . . . it didn’t matter that he loved Soma romantically, or that Soma loved him platonically with the potential for more, because Agni would take great time to see himself as more than ‘just a servant’.

 

“Then I _command_ you to be my friend for tonight.”

 

“T-thank you, my prince!”

 

Soma smiled warmly.

It seemed that was all Agni needed to feel that he could act freely. He hugged Soma! He was hugging him _without_ being commanded to. The hold was tight and passionate, an act of love and admiration, and it reassured Soma that – even if he had to be commanded to act so – that Agni was a true friend to him! Soma moved into the embrace and closed his eyes happily.

 

“Now,” Soma said happily, “let us sleep.”

 

“ _Jo ajna_ , my prince . . . ”

 


	4. Chapter 4

# Chapter Four

****

“How did you know?”

 

Soma could not miss the slight blush upon Lizzy’s cheeks at the question. It was strange to see the girl usually so confident, so assertive, reduced to an almost demure and ladylike state . . . that wasn’t to say that Soma thought her usually unladylike, merely that she was never usually so timid! Her pale skin looked so beautiful with that reddened glow, but it was a glow that did not seem to suit her.

 

He watched her curiously as she sat elegantly upon the chair, with back so straight that her posture would surely be uncomfortable, and her hands folded gently in her lap as if they were made to be there. How could the English stand such stuffy positions and uncomfortable seating? He missed sitting upon soft cushions and comfortable pillows, the wooden chairs were surely a form of torture! He admired Elizabeth for the way that she could compose herself so well, but it was infuriating the way that she would not answer a simple question! Were all English women this way?

 

“You will not answer me,” Soma said with a soft pout. “It is as strange as when Mey-Rin refused to model for the sake of art! Tell me how did you know that you were in love with Ciel? You do love Ciel, do you not?”

 

“T-that isn’t the sort of question you ask a lady, Prince!”

 

Lizzy turned her head harshly to one side. It was unclear whether she was truly frustrated with Soma, or just embarrassed by such a personal question that was rarely ever asked of a lady by a gentleman. It was rather interesting to see her blush in such a manner, even more amusing to see her gloved hands strain at her dress as if trying to fight an instinct to gesticulate wildly. It was like watching a conflict between two people: the noble woman and the normal child.

 

It was hard to understand why such a question was inappropriate. If she loved Ciel then surely there would have been a point when such a feeling would be recognised for the first time, when she would first know that she was in love? If love were considered the purest emotion, then how could it be so scandalous to talk about it? He knew that Lizzy loved Ciel. She expressed it in every little thing she did! She always tried her best to make him smile, to bring out the happiness in his little brother’s heart, and she expressed that love for him even in the clothes she wore and the mannerisms she assumed. She changed everything for Ciel, from her shoes to her skills, and Soma felt almost an admiration for that.

 

Could that be what love was? If love were unconditional and honest, then why did Lizzy feel compelled to make herself seem shorter by abandoning heeled shoes, just in order to protect Ciel’s ego? If Ciel loved Lizzy for who she was, then why did she feel pressured into acting so weak and frail, why did she forget her years of fencing and self-defence, reportedly risking death rather than appearing strong?

 

Soma could not believe that was love!

 

He wanted to know why Elizabeth believed that to be love and what love meant to her, because if he were to love anyone – especially Agni – then he would want to love that person for who they were, rather than the act they portrayed. If he wanted to love someone for their true self, for them to love him in turn the same way, then did that mean that he did not love as truly or meaningfully as the woman who would sacrifice her very identity – who would give _every thing_ – to make her beloved happy?

 

It was so frustrating to not know his feelings! He was a prince and yet he could not control what he felt, what he thought, and yet Agni – a servant of the lowest _caste_ – could understand what he felt to a far greater extent than Soma as a _Kshatriya_ ever thought possible. Lizzy knew that she loved Ciel, but _how_ did she know that? If Soma questioned himself, if he did not know, then did he not love?

 

“Why are you asking me that, anyway?” Elizabeth asked in a rather melodic tone, as her fingertip rose to touch upon her lip. It was if the gesture could increase the powers of deduction. “Are you in love with someone, Prince Soma?”

 

“N-no, I am not!”

 

“Aw, you’re blushing! That’s so adorable! Who is she?”

 

Elizabeth clapped her hands together and turned to face Soma directly. The smile on her lips was rather beautiful, like the smile of an angel in one of the less interesting of Ciel’s art books, but there was something about her smile he found very unnerving! It were as if those blonde ringlets and green eyes were hiding secret depths, a sort of penetrating insight that could compete even with the likes of Agni or Sebastian. He felt afraid she would see the truth, because if she could see that then everything would be ruined, and his love would be destroyed before it had even begun!

 

“I do not think that there is any maiden here suitable for a prince,” Soma said, as he looked away with cheeks puffed out in a haughty manner. “Miss Elizabeth is taken by my best friend Ciel, and my parents would object to my marrying any servant!”

 

“Silly! Love doesn’t care about things like class!”

 

“But it must! How can I be with someone if they are so far beneath me in caste? It would be forbidden, and you mean to say that you would love Ciel, even if he were a mere servant or working-class man? How can that be? Would your parents not forbid it? Would you not be disowned?”

 

“W-well, that’s a little different. I would always love Ciel very much, but sometimes love . . . isn’t enough. A lady has to be practical in who she marries, because love has very little to do with marriage.”

 

“You mean that romance between the classes is fine, just so long as it does not end in marriage or a real commitment to that person?”

 

“N-no! That’s not what I mean at all!”

 

The drawing room felt rather cold suddenly. It was as if the very warmth of the streaming sunlight and summer’s breeze had been stolen from the air they breathed, almost in the same way as the hope within Soma’s heart. The chill cut him to the bone, making him shudder despite the layers of clothing and jewelled accessories, and through it all he could not help but think of how confusing this thing was that they called ‘love’. It made him feel helpless.

 

He knew that love was not synonymous with marriage, for he had seen the way his mother fought for her place amongst the various wives and consorts, and he remembered well how Meena had married solely for the practicalities of status, but surely – at some time – love could be enough on its own? If one was privileged enough to fall in love, to desire the heart of another, then why could they not marry and become one as mutual spouses? Soma did not want the life of just any noble! He did not want to marry for status and wealth only to love another from afar, to feel his heart ache and yearn for them in a way that could not be, and it seemed cruel to have the power to love past any class and yet be denied the same love that ‘conquered’ all!

 

T-that wasn’t to say that he felt love for another! He was a prince and as such he was used to being loved, loving others was simply not something that he had ever considered or thought much about . . . he loved, he loved so many people, but to be _in love_ was such a different thing! Could he love Agni as much as Agni so loved him? If he did . . . would it not be a crime, a sin? What if he could not love Agni enough and Agni left him because of that? It would be the worst thing of all!

 

“Is it the young maid?” Elizabeth asked in excitement. “Mey-Rin is so very pretty, I think she would make you an excellent wife . . . if only she were more than just a maid. Oh! It’s like _Romeo and Juliet_! How romantic!”

 

Soma blushed and crossed his legs as he sat comfortably in the armchair. He could feel a bright sunbeam shining from the window upon his bare foot, warming it considerably and giving him a feeling of comfort and reassurance. If Agni’s namesake were truly the god of fire . . . could that not mean that his _khan-sama_ could warm him the same way as that ray of light? He could not force himself to love though, and if he could not love then what then? It was all so confusing!

 

“Where is Ciel?” Soma snapped. “He is late! He promised he would be here to see you and I want to see him, too! I want to see Ciel!”

 

“Oh, I _do_ hope he isn’t late. Paula promised he would be on time!”

 

“If – if Ciel is late then you have time to answer my question, do you not? Tell me, you must! How did you know that you loved him? Did you know suddenly, or did this feeling grow over time? It is so very confusing! I do not think I have felt this confused before! What does it mean to be in love? How do you prove to Ciel that you love him? If there is such a way to prove such a thing.”

 

Elizabeth let out a long sigh. It was strange to see the young lady so serious, but Soma could only assume it was because the topic of love was such a serious one! It was important, it determined one’s life and feelings, and it was something that young ladies – such as Lizzy – seemed to live for and thrive for. The way her green eyes glistened, her plump lips pulled into a sad smile, it was clear that she knew the importance of what Soma was asking . . .

 

Soma watched the way the sunlight played upon her hair, and he felt almost awestruck by the way her golden locks seemed almost white and so pure in the shifting sunbeams. He wondered if Ciel ever noticed that. Agni had told Soma many times in the recent weeks about things he loved about his master, about the way Soma would pout when he was not amused or the way he would feign sleep or shyness around Sebastian, it seemed that lovers noticed what others could not, that their souls were tied in some way as to make known the unknowable. He wondered if his close friendship with Agni could be due to ‘love’ . . . were all lovers friends, because surely not all friends were lovers?

 

“Will you still not answer me?”

 

He noticed Paula – Elizabeth’s maid – fidget a little from her position in the corner of the room, and he wondered what it was that she thought listening to their conversation and the topics that they discussed. It was difficult – even now – to think of servants as people with their own emotions and lives, as being independent from their masters, but he knew from experience that people like Paula – like Meena – were not defined by their positions. He hoped that she was not judging him as Meena had done.

 

“Well, it is the duty of a wife to take care of her husband,” Lizzy said politely as she broke the pursuing silence with her voice. “It is because of that I made the decision to protect Ciel in every way that I can, even if that means that I must cast away childish things and my own pride! I can’t be selfish. If Ciel wants to be seen as an adult then I will forgo my heeled shoes, my fencing lessons, _everything ._ . . because Ciel wants to be the one to protect _me_ , and I will let him. I let him because I love him.”

 

“So love is sacrifice?”

 

“If I may,” Paula interrupted very politely, “I do not think you can define love, sir.”

 

Soma pouted and glared at the young maid. He disliked the impudence, because young maids should not assume such arrogance as to talk as an equal to one’s social superior! She was pretty and he liked the look of her long, brown hair, but that beauty was suited merely for ornamentation, the moment she spoke she became less of a background portrait and more of a social equal, talking to people that were born far above her on the social scale.

 

He disliked the very idea that she could presume to understand his feelings, that she could even understand the very complexity of a topic such as love! Servants were not, by their very nature, well read or knowledgeable of the world at large, and it was not as if their very positions allowed them the luxury of romance. Paula would be bound to her role as maid and chaperone. Did she ever find time to pursue romances? Had she ever been in love? If her role as chaperone and personal maid tied her solely to the side of a young girl, how could she know what love could be? She only knew Elizabeth. She only knew meaning in being defined by her place at her mistress’ side. She may have had the freedom that only the working classes could know, but she could surely not understand the hearts of men like Soma . . .

 

“You! You are a servant, correct?”

 

“Yes, my lord,” Paula replied with a warm smile. “I have served my lady for quite some time, she means the world to me. I have never been happier than I have been serving by her side!”

 

“Then if you are a servant you must know the heart of servants. Tell me, why would you fall in love with a lord? Is it possible? If you loved such a man, what would you do? You say that I cannot define love. Very well, then I want _you_ to define it! I want you to tell me what love is! You can do that, can you not?”

 

“I – I don’t think I can! Love means many things to many people, but I have yet to have the honour of falling in love. Oh, and if I were to fall in love with a _lord_ -!”

 

“That would be so cute!” Elizabeth squealed.

 

The young maid blushed considerably. It was different to the embarrassment of Elizabeth, because the confidence and mild irritation of the fine lady was absent in this young servant. Paula’s clenched hand covered her lip in an elegant manner, almost as if to hide her slightly parted lips and confused expression, and her eyes were downcast as if afraid to look into the eyes of those around her. Shame. That was it, wasn’t it? Elizabeth had felt awkward, but Paula seemed to feel ashamed. Why?

 

“She seems to be ashamed at the idea of loving a lord,” Soma said distantly. “Can you tell me why, Lizzy? I want to know why your servant is so ashamed at such a thought. She does not consider it romantic?”

 

“Oh, _I_ certainly would!” Elizabeth said, delighted. “I must admit, though, that it _does_ complicate things when one falls in love without someone from a different station in life, because it carries so many risks . . . if the lord she loved weren’t disowned, then that would probably be as much as a curse as a blessing. She would be considered too high-class to mix with her old friends, but no one from high society would _dare_ converse with her. She would be so alone . . .”

 

Alone . . .

 

It hardly seemed fair! If Agni had been a woman and they had been in love, would Agni have faced such a social stigma? He would be forever exiled from his previous place in the world, but unable to fit into his new position. It would be like a jigsaw piece from a foreign game, unable to fit into a picture that it did not belong to, and forever doomed to be the ‘odd one out’. If love were indeed a factor, then how could one do that to another? He could not ask that of Agni!

 

Then again, even if he were to fall in love with such a man, how could he ever confess such feelings or be in such an open relationship with him? He would lose his crown, Agni may even lose his life should they return to India, and they would be considered criminals in their new home of England. It was said to be a sin, but he could not remember any mention of such a sin in the _Vedas_ or any other holy text, but he knew that to Agni and to many others that it was a sin indeed. Did he dare to sully his soul? It would be difficult to maintain a secret relationship, not just the practicalities but for the pain and strain upon his heart also. T-that was not to say that he was in love with Agni, only that if he were it would be difficult to maintain such a relationship . . .

 

“I know that the person whom I have affection for is in love with me,” Soma said sadly. “It has been several weeks since they have confessed. I simply do not know if I can return their emotions! I feel very much for them, but these past few weeks I have been able to do little else but think of them. It is very frustrating! If I loved them I would surely know? Surely I would not be so consumed by feeling?”

 

“Silly! It’s _because_ you love them that you’re consumed by feeling! If you didn’t love them then why would you give this so much thought? You might not have been in love before, but you know what it’s like to _not_ love someone, don’t you?”

 

“Of course!”

 

“Then if you didn’t love her, you would know!” Lizzy said, almost shouting in excitement. “It’s so cute! Oh, it’s always so wonderful when you love someone so much that they’re in your every thought! Do you know what I think, Prince Soma? You should tell this person how you feel! Sometimes just talking about your feelings helps you to work them out, it may help you realise the truth!”

 

“You think I should tell them my feelings?”

 

“Uh-huh!”

 

Soma looked up high as he let the advice settle in his mind. It seemed such simple advice, but it was difficult to even conceive of telling Agni how he felt, because it felt far too vulnerable – far too exposing – to confess in such a manner. He knew that honesty was needed between them, that he could no longer run from his fears in a way that he once used to, but that did not help him feel any less anxious about what he was about to do! He did not want to talk about his possible love . . .

 

It should have been impossible to fear rejection, because he knew that Agni loved him unconditionally, but how could he not fear such a thing? Their love was a forbidden one! It would be the ruin of them both if ever discovered, and even if it were not discovered . . . Soma had never loved before! It was possible that he could not be the man that Agni wished him to be. There were so many rules to relationships and love that seemed beyond Soma’s understanding, and to one that had never before experienced romance it would be quite possible that he might act out of turn, that he would break some rule that he was not aware of, and then what?

 

He looked across the room to Lizzy and Paula. They both seemed so happy and content, so full of hope for him, but they didn’t know the truth . . . they sat so elegantly in the drawing room, both with such warm smiles, and Soma could not help but wonder if they would smile in such a way if they knew that his feelings were for another man. It made him afraid. The very last thing he wanted was to cause scandal or pain for his friends!

 

“I suppose you may be right,” Soma reluctantly admitted. “Would you excuse me, Miss Lizzy? Please tell Ciel that I will play with him later! I am so sorry that I can not see him now, but some things are more important than games!”

 

“Of course, good luck!”

 

“Thank you!”

 

Soma climbed to his feet and made his way out of the drawing room. He would find Agni! It would not do to keep his feelings hidden away, at least not when Agni still awaited a true and real answer from him, and he could not help but feel sorry for the older man. It hurt Soma to feel this confusion and frustration, to not know what he felt to be unable to express it, but these feelings he had only felt since hearing Agni’s own confession, and Agni . . . he had endured these feelings for much longer!

 

He could only admire Agni, for it was difficult to understand how anyone could endure such conflicting emotions and desire for so long, but he had patiently tolerated it and loved his prince from afar, he had been so dedicated to his prince despite the fear that such feelings may not be reciprocated! It would be difficult to talk about such things to Agni, but if his _khan-sama_ could find such courage then so could Soma also! He had the support of Lizzy and her maid, did he not? It was true that if they knew of his object of love that they may not have supported him, but he could not help but wonder if they would not be supportive regardless.

 

Soma quickly closed the doors to the drawing room behind him, listening to Lizzy’s joyful cries and soft laughter gave him the hope he needed to face his fears! It always amazed him how her voice was always so audible, so ready to be heard in an otherwise stifling home, and it made him feel much more at home! It reminded him of India. Those sweet songbird voices, the constant chatter of the servants, and the familiar feeling of the sun upon his dark skin . . . all that was missing was Agni!

 

It did not take him long to find him.

 

His friend and bodyguard was tending to some flowers at the end of the corridor, seemingly shaping the petals and changing the water in the vase, and yet – despite his chores – he seemed to come alive at the sight of Soma. It was enough to cause the young prince to blush slightly. Agni always seemed so genuine and approachable! How was it that – even now – he seemed to be overjoyed at the sight of his young prince, even though it must surely be awkward for him to be in his presence knowing that he felt love for the other man?

 

“My prince, is everything okay? Is there something not to your liking?”

 

Soma bristled a little and walked close to his friend. He could feel his cheeks puffed out and he knew that he was walking rather rigidly and awkwardly, but he could not help but feel frustrated! He was annoyed by his feelings. It was Agni’s fault, and yet he could not be angry with the silver-haired man, because Agni was so patient and so kind! How could it be that even now he seemed worried, as if the only feelings that mattered were Soma’s? It was not fair! He was too kind!

 

Agni paused in his actions and his smile faded just slightly as he lowered his gaze, and when Soma stood in front of him – a mere foot away – he seemed to shrink into himself, afraid of what the royal man would say or do, the royal with folded arms and steely gaze. Soma felt almost guilty to see that Agni was hurt. How could he simply stand there and take the oppressive atmosphere that radiated from Soma’s cold aura? He did not stand up for himself, he did not argue back, he merely stood there awaiting a judgement from a man who could not even hope to stand equal with the gods, even if this man saw him as able of doing so.

 

“Agni! I – I –”

 

Soma clenched his hands hard by his sides as he scrunched his eyes shut tight. He could feel his body shake, his frustration building as he wished to lash out or to shout, but he knew – he _knew_ – that such tantrums were unacceptable! He had grown since the days of Meena’s disappearance, he was a man now, and he would not throw a tantrum like a small child. He would not!

 

“I – I –! I love you too, Agni!”

 

“My prince?”

 

Agni was unable to respond. Soma had already made a run for his room. The young prince did not stop until he was safely ensconced within those four walls away from the man that he had ran from, and – as such – Agni could not help but to smile and feel his love for his master grow. It was that innocence and childlike nature that he had grown to love, and he felt honoured to have caught a glimpse of it . . . he felt honoured to have finally earned the love of the godlike man whom he adored and worshipped. There could be no greater honour than to have the respect and love of Soma Asman Kadar.

 

He watched with a smile his master’s bedroom door and returned to his duties. His master would surely want some time alone to ease his embarrassment, and Agni would allow him that . . . whatever made his prince happy also made him happy, and if he made his prince happy . . . Agni could think of no greater joy! He only hoped that he could continue to bring his master the love that he deserved.

 

“I am grateful for this blessing,” Agni said warmly.

 

There truly was a god residing inside Soma . . .

 

There could be no greater love.

 

“ _My prince_ . . .”

 


	5. Chapter 5

#    
Chapter Five

 

“M-my prince?”

 

Agni stumbled upon sight of his lord.

 

It was not that he objected to such a sight, because – indeed – nothing could compare in beauty to the body of his master and friend, but to see his prince so  _forward_  was rather disconcerting. Soma was not the sort of man to act so freely. It was true he was confident, energetic, sometimes brash, but all those times he acted he did so under the title of ‘prince’, he acted with confidence because he had a  _right_ to be confident.

 

Agni had rarely seen Soma act as a mere person without displaying some sort of fear or restraint, whether that came from a blush from embarrassment, or feigning sleep in order to speak freely without fear of consequences. Their relationship was a special one, for as the prince’s bodyguard Agni had the privilege and honour of seeing his prince at his best and worst, of seeing him in all situations, of knowing the inner workings of his heart and the outer workings of his body, but even now his prince found ways to surprise him, even now Soma could make him fall in love with him all over again . . .

 

Prince Soma lay upon the large bed clad only in a pair of pale pyjama bottoms, trimmed with a golden edge that brought out the sparkle in his eyes, and his chest was bare save for the polished gold of a dipping necklace, and the armlets and bracelets that accentuated his perfectly formed limbs. How was it that the candlelight could make his skin seem so smooth and gentle? How could the light play upon it like a musician upon a  _sitar,_ the pale brown tone shifting like light through a mirror?

 

There were flowers of various assortments scattered about the room, each giving off a unique fragrance, and some were clearly those flowers born from their home of India, so rare and so fresh that Agni could not help but wonder where his prince had acquired them from. It was beautiful indeed.

 

“My prince . . .”

 

Agni smiled and placed down the tray he carried on a low-lying table, the water jug shaking just slightly in his trembling grip. His prince was so inviting, so much so that it was torture to refrain from touching him, from  _taking_  him, and yet the way Soma lay there – with hair sprayed about the pillow and body decorated with gold – spoke of a man who knew what he was doing, who  _wanted_ the provocative gaze of another.

 

The illusion was broken by one thing: his gaze.

 

Soma could not bring himself to look at Agni. His head was turned to one side, so that – should he open his eyes – he could only see the window across the room, with panes stained with running rivulets of rain, and his expression appeared to be in that of a pout. Agni could only smile at such determination, including the way that his prince’s hands clutched into fists at the sheets of the bed, as he lay upon his back. It was clear that Soma wanted to be seen as a sexual creature, that he sought to be appealing, but somehow he simply managed to make himself look more timid and childlike than he otherwise was. It was that innocence that Agni loved about his lord.

 

“I am not your prince! I am ‘Soma’! Soma!”

 

“I am sorry, my - . . .  _Soma_.”

 

“Your Soma? I like the sound of that. I shall be ‘your’ Soma from now on!” Soma said. His pout broke just slightly with the beginnings of a smile. “That – that is okay, is it not? I confessed to you, so that makes me yours. Miss Elizabeth told me so!”

 

“She did, my Pr – Soma?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Soma turned his head so that he was no longer facing awkwardly away. He was gazing now at the ceiling, his lips pursed into a look of concentration, and when he folded his arms across his chest Agni felt a profound sense of relief and frustration. How could such emotions co-exist? He wanted nothing more than to reach out and move those arms to one side, to look upon the toned muscles and smooth skin of his lord, to consume it with his fiery gaze, and yet to do so would be to taint the idol he so adored! It would be to steal the purity of such a soul.

 

Yes, it was better that such a sight remain hidden, for the temptation was too strong for a mere mortal to ignore, and ignore it he must. His prince clearly felt ready for a physical relationship, else he would not prostrate himself upon the bed so, half-naked and clearly in wait for his  _khan-sama_ , but did he truly know his own mind? Agni could never forgive himself if he stole from Soma something he would later wish to return, but something that never could . . .

 

“She said that once one confesses to their love that they belong to one another!” The prince’s finger touched upon his lip in thought and his ankles crossed in a relaxed pose. “I do not understand as you have  _always_ belonged to me! It is as if nothing has changed! Miss Elizabeth says that it is different, but I do not see how. Will you explain to me? Is it simply that I belong to you too?”

 

“It is complicated, Pr- . . . Soma.”

 

“That is what everyone says to me! ‘It is complicated’, ‘it is complicated’. I do not wish to hear that it is complicated! I wish to hear that you love me and that we can be equals. I wish to know that  _something_ has changed! If you belong to me, then I wish to belong to you also. That is only fair, is it not?”

 

“What you say is fair, S-Soma,” Agni said kindly, trying to hide his fears behind a loving smile. “It is simply that the world is not a fair place. Our relationship is a forbidden one, we can never be seen as equals even if we feel that we are such.”

 

“Then . . . you see me as an equal?”

 

 _No, not ever_.

 

He wanted to be honest with his prince, but to be honest would be to break the heart of the man he loved and adored more than anything in this world. The truth was that Agni could never be equal to the man he considered a god in human form, but he was happy with that, happy in a way that he did not think Soma would ever understand. He found pleasure in serving Soma, peace in standing by his side, meaning in a life spent shared with the royal boy . . . nothing could compete.

 

It perhaps stemmed from their different perceptions of love. To Agni it meant complete adoration and respect, a desire to be closer to the object of that love, to emulate it and to use it as an inspiration for greater things, and he would serve the object of his love unconditionally and without question. To Soma love was something between equals, where neither man would be required to serve, because both would already be having their needs served through the act of love alone, because to love was to complete what had otherwise been incomplete. That was the difference between them. Agni could believe that he was incomplete, but not Soma.

 

Never Soma.

 

Soma was perfect, and yet if he were perfect surely he was always right? If he were always right then Agni should not find it difficult to agree, he should be able to agree in an instant, but something held him back and it hurt him to think why. If he disagreed with Soma then it would be akin to admitting that his God was not perfect, but to agree with him . . . it would be the same as saying he was  _equal_  to his God, and that would be the greatest blasphemy of all.

 

“I see you as a man I can lie with  _as_ an equal,” Agni said.

 

He hoped that his prince – unfamiliar as he was with English semantics – would not pick up on the subtle implication that they were, in fact,  _not_  equals. He hoped it would be enough for his prince that Agni could at least act in the way desired of him. His answer seemed to make Soma happy. The young Bengali man turned onto his side, his body dipping in the middle to create a sensuous curve, and the hint of  _mehndi_ tattoos snaked its way over his back and onto his abdomen, around his jewelled belly button. His smile was gentle. His pose was filled with grace.

 

“S-Soma,” Agni asked as he swallowed hard, “why do you lie like this?”

 

“You do not know?”

 

“I do not dare to assume anything, my prince.”

 

Agni sat down upon the edge of the bed in a rather rigid manner. He clenched his hands upon his knees and kept his eyes gazed straight ahead, because to look upon his prince – so close and in such proximity – would be too much of a temptation to endure. He could not help but keep his eyes wide, his lips pursed into a tight line, and inside his chest he could feel his heart race and hear his pulse thump within his ears. Did Soma know what temptation he provided?

 

He could not ignore the scent of rich incense and perfumes that decorated his prince’s hair, or the way they mingled with the fragrance of the many flowers, or the way that those full locks fell about his shoulders in such an intimate manner, stroking his neck so gently and so tenderly. It was like gazing upon a beautiful statue, something so perfect it could only exist within the mind or the medium of art, and even now that arched foot seemed to exist only to tempt him, with the tinkling of the  _payal_ reminding him of how close it was, how easy it would be to take a hold of it and lay kisses upon it. He could practically feel the warmth of the other man upon him, and then –! Then Soma took a hold of one of his braids.

 

“I – I hoped to seduce you,” Soma whispered in embarrassment.

 

“S-seduce me, Soma?”

 

Agni turned his head to see those golden eyes half-lidded as if trying to avoid looking at the older  _khan-sama_ , and his prince’s hands were by his head with fingers toying with the long braid of hair. It felt like such an intimate pose. His prince – the man he loved – was playing with his hair and lying half-naked upon his side, and there was Agni . . . refusing the temptation as he sat beside him on the bed.

 

“Yes,” Soma said, as he turned onto his stomach so that the soft and sumptuous pillows muffled his voice. “If I were a princess, or if you were my maid, then we could marry and we could do what people in love do. I want us to be married.”

 

“You are young, Prince Soma,” Agni replied gently. “Marriage is a commitment not to be rushed into, and so even if we were able to wed I would not be in a position to consent to such a thing. I would wish for you to know your mind fully. I would want you to be certain that you wish to commit your life to a mere servant. You are lucky in that you are not an heir, there is no expectation for you to be wed other than as cultural norm, but if I could make such a commitment to you . . . I would.”

 

“ _Saptapadi_.”

 

“My prince?”

 

“Those are the seven steps a couple must take around the holy fire,” Soma said sadly, still playing with the braid within his fingers. “I always thought that I would walk those steps with a beautiful wife clad in a red  _sari_ , but that thought never gave me happiness. It only brings me  _un_ happiness to know that I can never share those seven steps with you. It seems unfair.”

 

Agni smiled warmly and slid from the bed onto the floor. He knelt down so that he could rest his arms upon the bed, an action that allowed him to look deep into the eyes of the man that lay beside him. It seemed to ease Soma’s concerns almost instantly. The prince’s soft features seemed to ease away from a pout and become something more, something sincere and loving, a smile that no one other than Agni would ever see, and a smile that spoke of love and dedication . . .

 

He noticed that even Soma’s  _mehndi_ took on a floral theme, his jewellery also, and something within Agni’s mind noted the importance of this, even if he could not – at that moment – fully understand the reason why. The  _turmeric_ paste upon his body seemed to give him a radiant glow, and as Agni looked upon his prince he could see the sorrow in his heart, the sorrow at being deprived of the same rites and passages that any other couple could enjoy and celebrate. It was that pain that Agni had sought so long and hard to prevent. He knew that a forbidden love could only cause pain, but in his selfish desire for Soma he had thrown away reason and followed the longings of his heart. It was his duty – now as ever – to ease his prince’s pain.

 

“But my prince,” he whispered with a smile, “a married couple may only walk those seven steps once, whereas we have a lifetime to walk as many steps as we wish. I may not be able to ask for your hand, but may I ask for you to walk always by my side?”

 

“A-Agni!”

 

Agni smiled as he noticed his prince blush. The reddened hue made him seem much younger and all the more innocent, and it was unusual to see his prince reduced to such a vulnerable and fragile state. Agni could not remember having seen Soma blush, but to see him do so now made him feel as if he were being invited into a private and holy moment, one so sacred and divine that it were as if he had been allowed to see Kali herself at her most natural state. He felt honoured.

 

It felt strange to be so vulnerable before his lord, but there was just something about Soma that had always opened up a part of him that had been closed to all others. He could not remember ever having the same openness when he had been Arshad, even when he had exposed himself to so many elements and acted so freely, but since coming into contact with Soma he had felt so many things . . . emotions he had not felt possible . . . and now he felt strangely defenceless, dependent entirely on his prince. He could remember the wide-eyed wonder at being reborn, the tears of blood at the pain of betrayal, and the smiles of love that would cross his lips at the memories of the past. It was as if Soma had given him more than a reason to live. He had given him life itself. 

 

Agni felt himself lean closer, his chin now resting upon the edge of the bed. His head was only a few inches from Soma’s closed hand, a few more from the face of his prince . . . if he leaned in just a little more then he would feel the breath of Soma, their breathing would merge, almost in sync . . . he could almost feel it. It was hard to focus with such beauty in such proximity. He could see the soft fear in Soma’s eyes, merged with desire and longing, the love beaming through so that the fear seemed tempered and softened . . . so many emotions, so many thoughts! 

 

“W-we cannot marry,” Soma said softly, the sadness tingeing his tone, “but I thought that perhaps even if the law will not allow it that this . . . tonight . . . could be our wedding night. Is that a bad thought?”

 

It was then that Agni finally noticed the theme of the flowers in full.

 

The  _mehndi_ that Soma wore, the decorative jewellery that adorned his body, and even the many flowers tied and interwoven into the canopy that draped the four-poster bed, all of them were traditional of a couple’s first night together. There were even flowers placed upon the covers of the bed itself, although – judging from the pattern and how Soma’s movements had disturbed them – the younger man had lain them himself. It was an honour to think his prince would do so much for him.

 

“It – it is a natural thought,” Agni said, as he swallowed hard.

 

“But it is not a natural action? Is that why you do not touch me?”

 

“M-my prince, I want nothing more than to touch you!” Agni blushed wildly as he realised what he had said. He waved his hands furiously about his face as if trying to wave away his embarrassment. “I – I am sorry! T-that is not what I meant to say!”

 

“Then you do not wish to touch me?”

 

“I – I – my prince . . .”

 

Agni reached out to touch the younger man. His bandaged hand was barely but a few inches from his prince’s cheek, his fingertips close enough that he could almost feel the heat from that soft and sensuous skin, but he could not bring himself to make that needed contact. His hand shook like a leaf in the wind, and he was sure that if this were to last much longer that his desire would consume his self-control . . . he wanted to touch so very much, but to touch would be to sin!

 

He withdrew his hand – determined to not test his self-control further – but, as he did so, he felt a firm hand take a hold of his . . . when he looked he saw that Soma had taken a hold of him. Soma’s fingers pressed strongly enough into his that he was sure that a mark would be left upon them. He almost hoped that it would mark, that it would bruise in some way, because to do so would be proof that his prince had touched him, proof that this younger man felt him  _worth_  touching. It made him wish to reach out and take a hold also, but he could not bring himself to dare to touch the other man without his explicit consent.

 

“I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms,” Agni said with such sincerity that he could already feel the tears building. “You do not know how beautiful you are, how much of a temptation you serve! I want nothing more than to enter this bed with you and make this night our wedding night, a holy night between just the two of us as lovers and equals, but I cannot . . . I cannot defile you in such a way!”

 

“D-defile me?”

 

“Soma, do you know how perfect you are? You have the fire of Kali in your soul, but the strength and grace of our lord Shiva. You saved my life and allowed me to be reborn as your servant. I can never repay you enough for that! You are so pure and so beautiful, to be in your presence is to be in the presence of a god, and as a mere mortal I cannot bring myself to touch you . . . to dirty you with my base desires! I fear that if I touch you with lust in my mind that I shall sully your innocence, or that you may resent me for my presumption!”

 

Agni expected many things: anger, sorrow, even realisation, but  _happiness_  . . . that he did not –  _could not_  – expect, and yet that was the emotion worn upon those soft lips. Soma seemed happy. He wore a gentle and serene smile, his eyes half-lidded into a beautiful expression of understanding and calm inner peace, the exact expression one expected a god of such purity and innocence to wear . . .

 

How could he look that way? How could he look upon Agni as if there were not an ounce of disgust or frustration in his heart? Agni had not only expressed a desire to make love to his prince, but he had also refused to obey an explicit request! It was strange to feel his prince’s touch upon his arm soften, stranger still to feel the prince guide him up with a graceful gesture, and to find himself guided onto the bed beside the man that he loved more than anything . . . his heart beat wildly within his breast, his desire overcome with sheer confusion.

 

Soma’s hand felt warm and firm upon his bandaged right hand, soothing to Agni’s soul, because to be touched like that was to be addressed directly by the man he most adored, and it was to be guided into something right, something perfect. This was what it meant to be a servant: a relinquishment of control. He felt safe at last, moved like a doll into position by his master, and as Soma’s right hand touched underneath Agni’s cheek the younger man rolled onto his back and coaxed gently Agni into moving onto the bed on top of him. The butler now straddled the master. It felt so wrong and yet so perfect. His hands were aside his master’s head, his legs either side of that well-formed waist, and his eyes inches from those golden ones beneath him.

 

“If I am your god then my will is absolute, is it not?” Soma said with a soft smile. “If that is the case then I command that you touch me! I wish to consummate our love in the way of lovers. I cannot be defiled so easily, unless you think so little of me that a mere touch could destroy all that I am?”

 

“O-of course not, Prince Soma!”

 

“Then it is settled! I love you very much and wish to express that love, and that is not very easy for me to say.” Agni noticed the blush that dusted Soma’s cheeks. “I do not think that love can be a sin, for it is a very beautiful thing, and you love me, do you not? If you touch me with love then it cannot be any different than that same love to which we owe Kali, because I am your idol and you touch me with respect! You do me a greater disrespect by not touching me at all.”

 

Agni swallowed hard once more. It was true that by refusing to touch Soma that he was disobeying the boy’s wishes, and true still that by refusing to take a hold of him – to love him – that he was denying the younger man the love and worship he so deserved. Would it be such a sin to worship Soma with his hands rather than his lips? Could it be blasphemy to show respect through actions rather than words? He felt such strong needs, the overwhelming urge to become one with the beautiful creature that the gods had saw fit to give him, and it was too much to bear. If Soma asked him – if he said the words – then Agni would break. He could give in.

 

“I sometimes forget how wise you are, my Soma.”

 

“Then you will touch me?”

 

“I would be honoured,” Agni said with a hint of fear. “If you reassure me that this is what you wish of me. I love you too much to hurt you, and I desire you too much to stop once I break this wall of self-control . . . do you know what you are asking of me, my prince?”

 

“I know what it is I am asking of you! I am asking you to make love to me.”

 

“You are aware of what that entails?”

 

“I know!”

 

Soma let go of his tentative touch and moved his hands to his neck. It was such a fragile and intimate gesture, his arms just crossed slightly at the wrists, with his fingertips gently grazing the base of his neck. How could his prince appear so beautiful even at his most vulnerable of moments? The way he looked down, the way his blushed so hard, the way his head turned just slightly to one side as if instinctively trying to hide from his own nervousness . . . it was all so perfect. His prince was perfect. This would be as close to heaven as Agni would ever reach.

 

“I – I know at least what love between men and women means,” Soma admitted in a broken voice, “but not what it means between two men. I want you to teach me. I love you and I want you to teach me! I – I command it!” He paused and then pouted. “ _Please_?”

 

“You never need command me. I can think of nothing I want more than to teach you.”

 

“Then please, do not talk any more! Teach me.”

 

“First let us change position.”

 

Agni moved to the other side of the bed and lay beside his prince. He lifted the turban from his head and placed it on one of the bedside tables, ready for it to either be unwrapped or reused in the morning. He then reached out for his prince and gently took a hold of him, before rolling him over him so that Soma was now the one on all fours, hovering inches above his butler, as he looked down into Agni’s grey and desperately seeking eyes. Soma looked so surprised . . .

 

His hair fell about him like a curtain, shielding the two men in their own private world that they found filled with nothing but need and desire. Agni could not help but breathe deep the perfumes those locks released, relishing in the effort that his prince had put into such a seduction, and as he looked into his prince’s eyes he felt an overwhelming feeling of adoration. Soma seemed nervous. His golden eyes were wide and shimmering, but his lips were full and parted, waiting for their first kiss that would surely come at any moment, but the kiss did not come. Agni found himself too lost within those eyes to act on the need for anything more.

 

“If we are to do this,” Agni explained patiently, “it will be best for you to be in control. I will take any potential pain for you, my prince. This experience will be nothing but pleasure for you.”

 

“B-but I do not know what to do!”

 

“Then let me guide you . . .”

 

Agni wanted to let Soma take control. It felt as if things would somehow be less blasphemous, less scandalous, if Soma could somehow take charge of things, because then this would be solely his prince’s will and prince’s doing, he could ease his guilt by knowing that there was no pressure upon his prince, that everything the man did that he did entirely of his own will. Soma was not confident enough to do that though, and so Agni would have to take the lead from below.

 

He took the youth’s left hand in his and brought it to his lips. He made sure to keep his kisses gentle and respectful, his touches filled with nothing but reverence and admiration, and as he kissed those long fingers, the soft palm, the beating pulse beneath that wrist . . . he felt a love that he had never before felt. How could his prince make him feel this way? He felt as if this man were the greatest gift ever given to him, a being so holy that to be in his presence was to be blessed, and it was hard not to doubt himself in those moments.  _He loved Soma_. He had to remember that. If he acted only with love, if he did not inflict pain, then this surely had to be a form of worship in its own right. It had to be right.

 

Agni smiled warmly as he nuzzled into his prince’s palm, and as he looked up he could see Soma looking somewhat confused and yet in need of something more, a mixture of emotions that served only to make him look so innocent and so young. His lips were slightly parted as if unsure whether to speak or remain silent, and his golden eyes were locked on Agni as the older man touched him and kissed him and guided his hand to stroke his cheek, and all the while it felt so intimate . . . perhaps more so than the act of lovemaking itself.

 

It took only a few moments before Soma began to act of his own will, stroking lightly upon Agni’s neck and allowing his fingertips to trace lines across his lips and the tips of his hair, almost as if seeking something unseen, looking with his hands rather than his eyes. It made Agni feel special. He felt as if his prince were looking into his soul, rather than at his mere body . . . he felt honoured.

 

“First,” Agni instructed, as he wrapped his fingers within Soma’s thick hair, “you must undress me. Unbutton my  _sherwani_ and the  _kurta_ underneath, you do not need to fully remove them if you do not wish to, but you will need access to my body.”

 

“I – I have to undress you? Is that necessary?”

 

“I could undress myself, if it pleases your highness. I merely thought that this way it would increase the intimacy and trust between us, but if you are nervous or unsure in any way, then –”

 

“I am not nervous! What reason would I have to be nervous? It is only clothing, is it not? It is not as though I have never before removed a  _sherwani_ or a shirt!”

 

“It is what is  _under_ the shirt I thought may give you pause, my prince.”

 

Soma paused. The prince’s weight seemed to be on his right arm, with his left now playing lazily and awkwardly upon Agni’s collar, his long fingers gently teasing the hem as he thought long and hard about what was to come. Agni could see the red blush upon his cheeks, the pout upon his lips, and the tension in his arms and around his eyes . . . there was something he wanted.

 

It was unlike Soma not to be forward and say directly his desires. Agni could only conclude that he wished for something either sexual or intimate, something that would require him to bear his soul in some way, and the fear of rejection – or of appearing too forward or ignorant of sexual etiquette – caused him to remain silent. There was nothing that Soma seemed to hate more than to commit some  _social faux_  pas or do a wrong of some sort, because he equated mistakes with flaws, they embarrassed him and made him feel vulnerable, but . . . the act of lovemaking left one at their most vulnerable, at their weakest, it exposed the very soul itself. Could it be possible that his prince was not emotionally ready for this?

 

“Will you kiss me?” Soma asked timidly. “Will you kiss me as I undress you?” 

 

Soma’s voice was so shy, so quiet, like a whisper almost lost under the din of their beating hearts and raging desire, but Agni heard it, and with it he heard the need for reassurance and the need for affection. He tenderly pulled Soma down so that their foreheads touched. The heat from his master reminded him of the duty to which he owed him, and the moist warmth of his breath reassured him that this was real.

 

“You do never need to ask, Soma.”

 

The kiss began chastely. It was their first kiss, the first time that they had ever expressed their emotion in such a way, and to just feel his prince’s lips pressed against his made him feel as if his every wish in the world had come true. The movement was gentle, just warm lips pressed to one another, but soon Agni grew hungry and dared to let his tongue come forth to trace the lips that sought so much to press against him, and – as Soma gasped loudly, fingers fumbling against the buttons – he took the initiative to slide his tongue inside and taste his prince fully.

 

Soma’s hand jolted slightly on one of the lower buttons in his hand. It felt as if all the tension in his body left him in a giant exhale of breath, his body falling just slightly so as to rest fully upon Agni. It was such an intimate gesture, one full of trust. Agni wrapped his arms around his soon-to-be lover and kissed him deeply, tasting the spices of tonight’s curry and the warm milk that his prince had consumed before retiring to bed. Soma seemed to come to life as if by a sudden.

 

He seemed to try to push himself into Agni with all his strength, hands desperately seeking to undo those buttons to the point of pulling upon them and struggling with them, and yet the passion of the kiss made up for small discomforts. Agni guided him and tried to keep control of the kiss, but with Soma’s inexperience it was only inevitable when occasionally teeth clashed or the kiss became sloppy, and yet – despite it all – Agni relished every second. The imperfections somehow made it all the more perfect. It reminded him that Soma honoured him with being his first, but the imperfections also reminded him that it was  _Soma_ he touched,  _Soma_ he loved, because they reflected Soma so perfectly.

 

Soma pulled away with a great inhalation of breath. His hands moved from the now open  _sherwani_ and went to touch upon Agni’s neck, whilst he occasionally leaned down to kiss the smiling butler beneath him. They were just small pecks, but they meant the world and more to Agni, and he could not help but hope for more, opening his mouth in search of a deeper kiss. He could feel an aching longing in his heart when Soma sat up and looked down upon Agni.

 

“I have undone your shirt, what do I do now?”

 

“Now you take the time to explore my body,” Agni said softly. “There is no rush when it comes to love. You only need to do what feels right to you.”

 

“That is good, because I wish to touch you.”

 

Agni drew in a sharp intake of breath as he felt Soma’s hands upon his bare flesh. It was a cold touch from cold hands, but they would soon be warmed with what was to come, and as Soma pushed back his  _kurta_ and  _sherwani_ he found himself feeling rather exposed. It was not the first time that his prince had seen his bare chest, but it was the first that the prince had ever touched him in such a manner.

 

Soma seemed content on exploring every contour, every inch of skin he could find, and as he sat with legs astride his  _khan-sama_ he allowed his fingertips to trace parts of Agni that Agni had only ever before dreamed about. He seemed to enjoy feeling the body of the other, it seemed to thrill him, and Agni could not help but to become aroused as he came under the prince’s inspection. It was as if Soma were seeing him for the very first time. Soma’s breathing became hitched, his tongue flicked out to lick his lips, and he seemed unable to look away from Agni as he touched the other. There was something hesitant about his touches, however . . .

 

It did not matter how Soma’s hands roamed, how much they teased and touched, there were certain place they would not go . . . certain places they forever came close to, forever teased with the idea of play . . . but places his hands would never reach. They would skirt around his nipples, they would play with the waistband of his  _churidars_ but never dare to go inside. The way his fingertips would dip just within the band, but then pull out after going so close to the forbidden . . . it was too tempting to endure.

 

Agni remained patient, for to merely be touched by his master was a blessing in itself, but to feel those fingers so close to the part of him that so desperately wished to be touched, but forever just out of reach . . . it was more than he could bear. It was as if Soma felt too afraid to take control. What was it they he feared? Rejection? Making a mistake? Why would he not touch what Agni so wanted him to?

 

“Please,” Agni begged, “I am yours to touch as you wish.”

 

He reached out to take Soma’s hand and moved it to his upper chest. Soma jerked slightly and made a slight gasping sound, which caused Agni to hesitate, but when Soma relaxed into the touch and slowly moved with his butler the older man knew that it would be okay to move the touch further. It was not long before Soma’s hand was over his heart. The prince could surely feel the fury with which the muscle inside his breast beat, and his fingertip grazed the nipple that was so close to it.

 

“Do not feel that you must hesitate,” Agni said gently. “Do not feel as if you must hold back. There are no wrong actions, for you are my prince and you cannot do any wrong. I am lying here because of my love for you. If you hesitate now then I will have to assume that you have second thoughts. Please, do not say that is the case. I could bear the thought of spoiling you against your will!”

 

“It – it isn’t that. I want to do things to you, but I have never done them before! How do I know if I am doing them correctly? I do not wish to make a fool of myself! I do not know what is right and what is not.”

 

“Then will you let me show you? To begin with I enjoy to be touched here.”

 

Agni guided Soma’s hand into a position above his nipple. He coaxed those fingers into moving about the area, allowing the prince to clumsily run his hands over and around the hardening nub. It felt good, but far from perfect, as Soma struggled to understand what to do with it in order to cause pleasure, and – as much as Agni wanted to instruct him and tell him what to do – he realised that it would be important for Soma to learn what to do at his own pace. To instruct him too much would be to make him feel inadequate, but just so be with his lover was perfection in itself.

 

He wanted nothing more than for Soma to reach down and to lick and bite upon that area, to pull with his teeth his nipples erect and aching, but such things would be too forward for his nervous prince. Instead, Agni reached up to his own chest with his own hand and began to toy with his unattended nipple, flicking it and twisting it so that it caused him to grow erect. It seemed his prince was a fast learner, for soon Soma was imitating his actions in much the same way.

 

“T-that is good, m-my prince,” Agni gasped.

 

He moved his hand away to allow Soma free access, and took to instead reaching out to explore his lover’s body. Soma felt so warm under his touch, almost unbearably so, and his skin was soft as royalty should be. Every part of Agni wanted to trail kisses upon him, to lick and suck and massage his flesh, to worship him with his mouth and hands in a way deserving of such a magnificent creature, but instead he settled for letting Soma remain in control. It may have been unnerving for his prince, but ultimately it would cause him far less fear than to relinquish control to another.

 

Soma seemed content to tease Agni by playing with his chest, occasionally leaving love-bites upon his neck in a way that surprised the  _khan-sama_. It felt so strange for someone such as Soma to do such a thing! It could only be instinct pushing his prince into such assertive and possessive traits, but to feel so possessed was a new feeling for Agni, and one that he greatly approved of. He craned his neck so that Soma could have greater ease of access.

 

Agni allowed his hands to trail down his prince’s body and began to undo the ties that bound the  _churidars_ pyjamas upon Soma’s waist, the gesture seemed to cause Soma to draw in a sharp intake of breath, especially when Agni pushed the garment downwards and allowed it to slide down his prince’s thighs. Soma tensed and seemed to grasp tightly onto his lover. Could it be that he was uncomfortable with being exposed in such a way? He looked so beautiful though! How could Soma bury his head into Agni’s neck? How could he try to hide away? It was a sin to cover such beauty! He was perfect.

 

“Would you be more comfortable,” Agni asked gently, “if I were to bare myself completely to you also? I must bare my lower half regardless if we are to continue. Do you wish to continue, Soma? It is not too late to change your mind.”

 

“I – I just need a minute!”

 

Agni smiled and said nothing. It was clear that his prince needed a moment to compose his thoughts and emotions, and it was the duty of Agni to respectfully give him the distance he needed to deal with his feelings. He allowed his hand to rest on Soma’s buttock, not groping or kneading, simply . . . resting. The flesh felt soft under his skin, but toned from years of  _kalaripayattu_ and  _silambam._ It was impossible to ignore the hard erection that pressed against his thigh, Soma’s arousal clear and obvious to him, and the very knowledge that his prince was aroused by him – by  _Agni_ – only served to arouse the older man in turn.

 

“My mind is made up,” Soma said softly, as he nuzzled into Agni’s neck. “There is no one in this world that I would trust more to do this with! I command that -! No, that is not right, is it? I  _ask_ that you continue. We are equals, are we not? If the world will not acknowledge that we are equals, then – at least – here we can be so, I wish for this to be a place just for us . . . as lovers . . .”

 

“My prince . . . my Soma . . . you do not know how happy you make me! I – I do not think that I can ever be equal to someone as great as you are, but it honours me that you would consider me in such a light.”

 

“You are my  _khan-sama_ and my friend!” Soma snapped, blushing wildly as he sat upright again and hid his face to one side. “How could I not view you in such a way? You make it sound as if you are not worthy to be with me . . .”

 

“You do not know how perfect you are, Soma,” Agni replied with a smile. “There is no mortal alive worthy of you.”

 

“Agni!”

 

Agni reached down to loosen his  _churidars_ and kept his eyes locked upon his prince’s gaze. Soma seemed so surprised, so taken aback by the thought that someone could love him so unconditionally and adoringly, and yet he seemed to be enthralled with such a fact, lost within his own relief and feelings of love. His prince kicked off his pyjama bottoms – almost as if in search of something to do to distract himself – and sat content, albeit with a blush, upon Agni.

 

How could he look so innocent even now? It did not seem to make a difference that Agni was slowly undoing his own bottoms, sliding them down as much as he could to expose himself to Soma, or that his prince now sat completely naked within the room . . . the sexual situation did not seem to erase the innocence of his prince. His body was adorned with only the  _mehndi_ and various golden pieces of jewellery, and yet his expression wore more power and passion than should have been possible. His golden eyes were half-lidded, his lips parted in a full pout, and his cheeks reddened with a mixture of lust and mild embarrassment, and the way he tried to hide his face – turning it to one side to cast his gaze away – was a telling trait.

 

He looked so very handsome though. How was it that – even in England, in a land where there were so little chances to practise his martial arts – he could retain his rather well developed muscles and features? His golden eyes seemed to glow, as did his skin, and even his hair seemed thick and luscious, so full of life that it seemed to frame Soma’s face and give him a new shine. He looked so perfect! Even his length – hidden beneath a nest of curls – seemed so perfect to Agni . . . even if to many it was not the longest, or the thickest, it was still perfect because it belong to Soma. Soma.

 

_Soma Asman Kadar._

Agni removed his  _churidars_ as much as he could, but it was up to Soma to remove them fully, a task that seemed to confuse his prince just slightly and caused him great embarrassment . . . by the time Soma had turned himself around and fought with the garment, before tossing them aside needlessly, Agni had already begun to find himself smiling like a village idiot with love for this other man.

 

Soma made the act of undressing uncomfortable, it was awkward and odd, and he seemed to make the simple act into one of great complexity, complete with a furrowing of the brow and pursing of the lips. It should have ruined the mood, perhaps even eradicated the last ounce of arousal that Agni had, but instead he felt deeply connected with his new lover, because here they shared something honest and real, something that did not  _need_ perfection, because the true perfection came from the sharing of souls rather than the sharing of carnal desire. He would be Soma’s first. He would share an open and vulnerable moment with his prince, and that act would bring them infinitely closer together.

 

“Does the sight of me please you, Soma?”

 

Soma turned around and sat beside Agni on the bed, after the debacle with the  _churidars_ had finally finished, but – as he looked upon the naked form of Agni – he seemed to panic just slightly and suddenly became incoherent. His words became stumbled and fumbled, and his blush was so strong that Agni worried that the prince’s embarrassment may become too much for them to continue. Agni decided to take charge in hopes that his prince may find peace from such a relinquishment of control.

 

Agni spread apart his legs, realising – with worry – that even in his wildest of moments he had never exposed himself in such a manner before. Arshad had been a taker, a man who would steal pleasure from others without ever giving any, and Agni had been a man far too chaste to ever consider giving or receiving pleasure in such a manner. He had experience. He knew what to do, and yet . . . this would be a first for him as well as it would for his prince. What if he could not bear such pain, as he would encounter? What if his body did not live up to his prince’s standards? Agni had great length, but little width, and his body was kept fit, but not excessively so. In comparison to Soma he was ‘average’ in terms of attractiveness.

 

“T-the sight of you, it . . .” Soma swallowed hard and shook his head as if to dispel bad thoughts. “It makes me feel things that I have never thought possible to feel for a man! I – I do not think I can control my body when I look at you!”

 

“You are erect.”

 

“Do not say it so bluntly!”

 

“It is okay, Soma. I am erect too at the sight of you. You are so beautiful . . . if you would . . . I would like you to lie upon me, between my legs . . . I will guide you through what to do, that is . . . if you still wish to continue.”

 

“Will . . . will you kiss me again?”

 

The question was so innocent, so unassuming, that the very tone was made all the more beautiful by the sheer gentleness of Soma’s nature. He could not help but to reach out and take a hold of his prince. He would reassure this man, the man he loved, that he never need ask anything of Agni, because whatever was Agni’s to give would forever be Soma to take, and so he rolled Soma between his legs and wrapped his limbs around his prince’s waist. He lifted his hands to take his love’s face between his palms, and looked deep into those eyes.

 

“I would be honoured.”

 

The kiss was gentle, but deep. It was an expression of love and desire between the two, something that – despite its imperfections – felt like heaven on earth. Soma had already improved greatly, and the way he seemed to let Agni take control and mimicked his movements and techniques was rather adorable, it made Agni feel needed and loved, and he could only hope that he could live up to Soma’s expectations. The very idea of failing Soma now was unbearable . . .

 

He took a hold of Soma’s hand and raised it to his mouth. They did not break the kiss at first, instead tongues seemed to entwine around the digits, lips seemed to mould around those fingers, but soon Soma parted in confusion, before biting his lip in pleasure as Agni swallowed his fingers whole. They did not break eye contact. Agni watched his prince with smouldering, grey eyes as he licked and sucked upon Soma’s digits, coating them as much as he possibly could, and – every now and again – he would grip Soma’s waist tightly between his thighs and grind upwards. Soma would gasp out at the sensation of their members sliding together, sending shivers down Agni’s spine at the sound.

 

“W-what is this?” Soma asked.

 

“You must put your fingers inside me,” Agni instructed, as he rubbed his erect length against Soma’s as he spoke. “Go slowly, one at a time, and try to follow the natural curve of my body. If I push against you it shall make movement inside easier. You must gently stretch me as much as you feel possible, because that shall make penetration easier.”

 

“You mean I must put them inside -?”

 

Soma looked upon his hands with a mixture of horror and surprise. Agni could perhaps understand his apprehension, because to the young prince the place where he was to touch would only have associations with dirt and waste, there would be no knowledge of the pleasure and intimacy that such a touch could bring to Agni. His golden eyes shimmered in confusion, his dark eyebrows knitting together as he seemed to ponder what was to come, and he seemed on the verge of speaking but uneasy to do so.

 

“I was taught many things,” Soma said in a rather sad tone, “but they were all about the things I could and should do with a woman. That I could even do these things with a man was kept secret from me. D-do I really need to do this? Women do not need any preparation; I remember that being said . . . their bodies oil themselves and stretch accordingly, do they not?”

 

“They do, but men’s bodies require preparation in order to avoid pain.”

 

“There shall be pain?”

 

“Only for myself,” Agni responded softly. “I regret that I never taught you about the acts between two men, but I had assumed that it would have been taught to you when you learned about the acts between men and women. Please, do not worry. I promise you that there shall only be pleasure to come.”

 

Agni pressed the heel of his foot between the valley of Soma’s buttocks, and rubbed lightly in a circular motion around his untouched hole. The gesture was highly intimate, but it seemed to be pleasurable to his prince . . . his prince who finally seemed to click into the idea of what they were about to do. Soma’s golden eyes widened considerably, but the ‘deer caught in the headlights’ look was softened somewhat by his expression of pleasure as Agni continued to thrust against him. How beautiful he looked in a haze of lust . . .

 

“But I will hurt you! That is true, correct?” Soma asked. “I – I cannot hurt you!”

 

“I will not lie,” Agni confessed, “without the right oils it will hurt me. It may also be uncomfortable as you are inexperienced with the ways of preparing men, but I would much rather bear that discomfort than to cause you even an ounce of pain. This way your first time shall be nothing but pleasure, Soma.”

 

“How can I take pleasure if you are hurt?”

 

The pout upon Soma’s lips was almost sweet, were it not for the fact that it broke the erotic and sexual atmosphere and made Agni feel like he was once more guardian of an emotional teenager. He smiled patiently and kissed Soma deeply again. The boy he once served was now a man, one that he admired and respected more than he ever thought possible, and he felt a strong sense of appreciation for the prince who now put other people’s needs before his own. Soma was a good man, but Agni . . . his past had been filled with so many crimes, so many sins, did he really deserve to have such a selfless man in such a selfish way?

 

He broke the kiss to suck upon those fingers one last time, before he unwrapped his legs from Soma’s waist and spread them as wide as they would go. His lifted them upwards to help facilitate the soon-to-be invading digits, his hole angled correctly and exposed to his prince, and then – as he licked and nibbled upon Soma’s earlobe and neck – he moved the younger man’s hand to his most private part. Soma’s index finger rested just on his hole, but refused to press further . . .

 

“The pain is often temporary,” Agni replied, as he blew hot air into Soma’s ear. “I have often observed that pleasure seems to overtake pain quite quickly, at least – that is – when you  _wish_ to inflict pleasure. If you wish to give me the pleasure that you shall feel, then I am certain that I shall feel it tenfold. Do not worry about hurting me. You only hurt me by hurting yourself. Please, do not worry so.”

 

“If I hurt you then you must tell me, I order it.”

 

“ _Jo ajna_.”

 

It was difficult to stay relaxed as Soma pressed one finger inside of him. He knew from vast experience with others that – regardless of gender or age – relaxation was key to avoiding pain, but there was just something about being penetrated for the first time that caused him to occasionally tense and clench around Soma, rather than to welcome him and help ease him inside. It felt strange, but – so far – there was no pain at all, nothing but a sense of feeling ‘full’.

 

Soma was not one for following directions either, it seemed, for no sooner had he inserted one finger had he pulled back slightly to put inside another. It was a stretch that made Agni feel uncomfortable, particularly with the lack of real lubrication that caused him to feel a mild burning sensation, but overall he felt connected to Soma, touched in a way that no other had touched him. Arshad had always refused such intimate touching out of feelings of arrogance and a need for domination, but something inside Agni had made him glad for such a sin of arrogance, because – if it were not for that sin – he would not be able to share such a beautiful thing for the first time with his friend and lover.

 

“W-wait, Soma,” Agni said, clenching his inner muscles hard as he could as a physical message, “before you insert another finger, you must take this time to stretch me. Scissor your fingers and move them freely in all directions. Then – when it is the time for you to enter the third – I ask that you kiss me . . . a kiss would be a welcomed distraction from any –”

 

Soma kissed him.

 

He had not needed to initiate the kiss. He had not needed to coax Soma into such an action. Soma had kissed him of his own accord, of his own will, and he was dominating the kiss completely and with such passion that his little errors were no longer noticeable, for the crazed lust behind his kiss completely devoured Agni’s mind. To think such sheer emotion could come from his lover! Soma pressed hard against him, and his fingers moved about within him . . .

 

Occasionally – through what could not have been anything other than luck – Soma would press his fingertips against Agni’s prostate, causing him to moan loudly into the kiss and wrap his arms around his lover so tightly that their bodies seemed to be painfully pressed together. He lifted his legs again to wrap them around Soma’s waist, and continued to moan as he felt an overwhelming variety of sensations embrace him . . . the fingers inside him, the hard length of Soma pressed against his own, the delicious and unique taste of Soma’s mouth . . . it was heaven indeed.

 

His pleasure was only broken by the sudden intrusion of a third finger. It was then that the pain entered his body; nothing too great, but enough for his fingers to claw upon Soma’s back in search of something to ease his discomfort. He hoped greatly that he was not harming Soma in some way, but his instinct – his feelings – controlled him more than he wished he could allow. He could not help but break the kiss for air, breathing deeply to centre himself and ignore the pain.

 

“Y-you said you would tell me if I hurt you!” Soma snapped, as he removed his fingers at once and took a hold of Agni’s face in his hands. “I did not hurt you too greatly, did I?”

 

“I am fine, Soma, it is just a mild discomfort.”

 

“You promised me!”

 

“A mild discomfort is not the same as pain, Soma,” Agni said gently, as he laid a kiss upon his prince’s lips. “You may not be aware, but there is a place inside a man that can cause great feelings of ecstasy, when you were exploring before you touched upon it and it caused me great pleasure . . . when you enter me I shall perhaps feel some pain, but I promise you that I will soon be clawing at your back with pleasure rather than pain . . . I promise you as your  _khan-sama_ , your friend, and your lover.”

 

“I caused you pleasure? Does that mean you still wish to continue?”

 

“I thought it should be me asking you that question.”

 

Agni kissed his prince once more. He could never get enough of those soft lips and the rich taste, and he could have drank from those kisses for a lifetime and never grown tried, never wanted for more, but – for now – he wanted to experience his prince in full. It did not take him long to position himself at just the right angle, or for his hand to reach down and take a hold of his prince’s member, to align it with his hole just perfectly, but he could not bring himself to push it inside.

 

He wanted Soma to have the control. He wanted Soma to feel as if the situation were in entirely in his power, because he could not bear to pressure his prince for even a second, and so he would make sure that Soma would stay in control until the very end. If Soma wanted to go forward then they would, but Agni would never make that choice for him. He would make sure this moment would be perfect for them both.

 

“But yes, I wish for you to take me.  _Now_ , my prince.”

 

“Agni!”

 

Soma reached down and kissed Agni hard. Agni could feel his heartbeat begin to soar, the sound so heavy in his chest that he thought his chest would break, and already his mouth felt dry and his nervousness began to get the better of him. He longed for the moment when he would break into a sweat, where his cries of ecstasy would echo about the halls for everyone to hear, but for now he waited eagerly for Soma to penetrate him, to take him, to  _own_ him . . .

 

It did not take long for Soma to enter.

 

The feeling was overwhelming at first. Soma did not give him time to adjust, time to grow accustomed to the sensation, instead he pushed in to the hilt in one fast push, filling Agni to the brim with his length. Agni winced and dug his nails into his prince’s back, forced to breathe heavily through the kiss as he strove to regain some self, and in that moment he pitied those whose lovers were vastly well endowed, for if the discomfort caused by an average man could be this . . . it was difficult to bear! The pain was not excruciating, but it was certainly distracting,  _burning_. In that moment the pleasure was secondary to the pain he felt.

 

Soma kept his mouth upon him, their lips still pressed together as their tongues touched upon one another, but the intense pleasure felt by his master stopped him from engaging in the kiss . . . he was distracted past all measure. Soma’s hands swept under Agni and held him by his shoulders, clenching tightly enough that bruises would surely form, and his mouth let out a long and low moan, one that was only slightly muffled by half-felt kiss. The sound was deeply erotic.

 

It was difficult to find time to adjust, because at once Soma was beginning to move in a rather quick and hard rhythm. His movements were jerky at first, sometimes a little painful, and Agni made a mental note that the next time they made love to switch places with his prince, because – if he could show him the power of slow and controlled movements – perhaps it would be a far greater experience for them both. Agni felt his breath hitch as Soma pressed by accident against his prostate. He arched his back and threw back his head with a cry of pleasure.

 

“T-there, my prince,” Agni gasped. “Aim there, please!”

 

Soma aimed as best as he good, but it seemed that his inexperience and his haze of lust prevented the act from being perfect, although – to Agni – it  _was_ perfect. Soma was so fast and wild, so full of love, that his passion seemed to override his smaller mistakes, and Agni found himself lost in the moment, he found himself overwhelmed with the sensations that pervaded him.

 

He kissed Soma deeply once more. It seemed to add to the intimacy of the act, if such a thing were at all possible, and as they kissed Soma seemed to quicken his pace, adding to the frenzy of the act itself. Agni tightened his legs around Soma’s waist and angled his body so as to take Soma deeper, and every now and then he would purposely clench his inner walls to bring greater pleasure to his lover. The bed seemed to rock slightly with them, and Agni could not help but moan and call out in pleasure, his prince’s name a mantra upon his lips. The sound of their bodies moving against one another filled the air.

 

How could Soma be so silent? His eyes remained locked on Agni’s, his expression contorted into one of utmost pleasure and desire, but only his heavy and quickened breathing gave away the depths of what he felt. Agni thought he could feel blood being drawn on his shoulders as Soma dug his hands in deep, and even though his  _sherwani_ still covered part of them they did little to protect him. Agni, meanwhile, could do nothing but cry out and moan aloud, his usually silent self was broken into an array of erotic noises.

 

“S-Soma,” Agni cried, “Soma!”

 

Agni bit his lip hard as the pleasure began to overtake him. He could smell the scent of sex in the air, he could feel the sweat beading on his forehead and over his most intimate areas, and he could feel his chest almost slide against Soma’s as their sweat-laden bodies collided with one another. Their kisses were sloppy now, so much so that Soma was kissing and licking almost all over, and more often than not the kisses stopped so that they were merely pressing their mouths to one another . . .

 

“My lord!” Agni was writhing. “My Soma! Please touch me!  _Here_!”

 

“A- _Agni_!”

 

It seemed that it was too late. Soma thrust one last time hard inside Agni, so that the sound of balls against buttocks ceased to be, and suddenly Agni felt a warmth and slight wetness inside of him that signalled the end on his lover’s part. Agni could not help but feel a sharp wave of frustration as Soma moved slowly once . . . twice . . .  _thrice_ , before he stopped completely.

 

Agni could see the sweat bead upon Soma’s forehead, and the way his long hair glued itself to his skin only served to make him seem all the more deeply attractive, but when Soma’s eyes opened to look at him – wide and full of ecstasy – he smiled . . . such a bright and warm smile that something inside Agni melted . . . and then rolled onto his back. Agni – legs still wrapped around his prince – rolled with him, but as Soma’s member slid out he felt a strong stinging sensation and the release of some liquid. It was uncomfortable, but as he sat astride Soma he felt the discomfort of his erection to be a larger priority.

 

“A-Agni,” Soma moaned. He threw his arms high up above his head in an exhausted pose that was as beautiful as it was relaxed. “T-that was perfection . . . I think that I may have seen heaven itself . . . I very much enjoyed making love to you!”

 

“I – I am –.” Agni swallowed hard as he reached down to touch his member. “I am glad . . .  _Soma_. I am – I am glad . . .”

 

“Agni?”

 

It was true that his own hand would never compare to that of Soma’s, but to look down and see his lover lying in his most vulnerable and exposed state, to see him so naked and at peace, was a sight that would fill Agni’s dreams for a lifetime or more. He could not help but touch himself at the sight, to drink in the beauty that was Soma, and it was not long before he himself came. He roared aloud as his seed spilled upon Soma’s chest. The prince’s stomach twitched at the feeling of Agni’s hot release and his breath hitched, but as Agni felt all the tension release from his body – the ecstasy overwhelming him – he could do nothing but fall down upon side next to Soma, and feel the haze of satisfaction overcome him.

 

It was then that Soma embraced him. The action surprised him, but he welcomed it greatly as Soma hugged him tightly, his arms wrapped around Agni’s waist as he nuzzled his face into the  _khan-sama’s_ neck with a warm smile and soft murmur. He felt warm – almost hot – against Agni, and the older man could not help but to hold his new lover tight against him. The very act of holding one another felt more beautiful – more precious – than the very act of lovemaking itself.

 

It was not long before the cold air felt uncomfortable against their naked flesh, and the  _sherwani_ that had not been fully removed soon began to stick sickly to Agni’s back with sweat from exertion. Agni carefully rolled Soma over onto his back. He could not let his lover catch cold, he could not let him lie in discomfort after what they had finally shared, and so he reluctantly reached down and pulled up the long-lost duvet to cover their naked forms. Soma smiled instinctively and took a hold of the sheets, nuzzling into them with a loud yawn as he threw himself onto his back, and at once the sheets seemed to entangle themselves around his form awkwardly, leaving none for Agni who could only shake his head with a smile.

 

“It will become uncomfortable,” Agni said, as he stood from the bed with a sharp wince, before falling back again with an even more painful fall, “if you fall asleep without having cleansed away the results of our activities. I shall prepare a small bowl of water and a cloth for you, my –”

 

“You are  _still_ acting like my servant! If you act like my servant I shall have to treat you as such! You are my  _lover_ , or at least you shall be so when we are alone, and so I want for you to lie with me . . . I want to fall asleep by your side.”

 

“But, Soma, it shall be –”

 

“If we are to be lovers then we need to be equals,” Soma said with a pout. “I make my own choice to be uncomfortable, if that means that you will not leave my side and I can fall asleep listening to the sound of your heart, to the feel of your chest rise and fall. If I have to order you to lie by me, I will, but . . . I would like for you do so because you wish to, not because I order you to.”

 

“I  _always_ wish to lie by you, Soma,  _always_. I love you.”

 

Agni felt the blush rise to his cheeks as he looked down lovingly at his prince and master, and to see Soma smile back with such a seductive look made him feel as if he were falling in love with Soma all over again. He sat beside Soma on the bed and reached out to stroke his cheek. It felt magical, almost unreal, but there he was . . .  _Soma_. He never thought that he would see this man in such a natural and vulnerable state, and yet there he was . . . so perfect.

 

The younger man reached up, allowing the covers to slide down his arms and chest, and took a hold of Agni’s wrist. He began by simply taking a hold of his lover’s hand, before letting his hand reach up so he could stroke at the muscled forearm, the touch so affectionate and gentle that it almost coaxed Agni into lying beside him, perhaps into taking pleasure once more from the man he so adored . . . but he couldn’t lie beside Soma yet. There had been a part of him that had once worried that if he claimed Soma, if he touched him intimately, that the godlike aspect of Soma would be defiled, that he would lose that holy part of himself, but he had been wrong. Soma was more beautiful than before! He was his god, and as such Agni had to protect him, he could not let him fall asleep without being cleansed, not if it would cause him even an ounce of discomfort in the morning.

 

“But first,” Agni insisted, “I must find some water to cleanse you.”

 

“You are always the same . . .”

 

Soma sighed loudly as Agni climbed off from the bed. The pout upon his lips caused Agni to raise his fist to his mouth to hide his smile, but even if he tried he knew he would be unable to hide it! Soma was just so perfect. He looked so regal and so elegant, so holy and so sacred, and even though he was lying in the bed where they had just made love, where they had shared in carnal lust, he still looked so serene. How was it that he still seemed so innocent after what they had shared?

 

“But,” Soma muttered awkwardly, “that is why I love you.”

 

Soma rolled onto his stomach with a blush. The way he hid his head underneath his pillow, almost like a child hiding in embarrassment, made Agni feel relieved that he had not stolen from Soma what could not be given back. Soma was still his prince, still his friend, still his  _god_. He suddenly felt that perhaps – just this once – that it would be okay to ignore his prince’s needs in order to fulfil his wishes, because a selfish and small part of Agni wished for the exact same thing . . .

 

“I love you, too . . .  _Soma_.”

 

And – with that – Agni lay beside Soma and held him close.

 

He had never felt a greater sense of love.

 

“I love you.”

 

 

 


End file.
